Living faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the mission field
God is able to heal. I am certain of that! I’ve experienced miraculous healing in my own life again and again. I’ve prayed for others and seen them healed, some instantly, and some over a period of time. Many missionaries believe in God’s miraculous power. …
Shame is a powerful emotion. It easily controls our actions and abilities. Social researcher, Brene Brown, defines shame as “the fear that we’re not good enough.” As missionaries, we battle feelings of shame regularly. This is never truer than when in the long process of …
The holidays are amazing and wonderful! They can also be hard. I find that when I finally get time to relax, suppressed emotions find their way to the surface. When families or churches gather, there is joy. There can also be awkward exchanges with people you’ve had conflicts with. Maybe this year you are celebrating the holidays for the first time without someone you deeply love, a person no longer part of your life. You want to feel happy, but it’s easier said than done.
I’m going to keep this blog short. It is a busy season and you’ve got a lot to do. I wanted to give you permission though (in case you need someone to do so) to listen to your soul during the upcoming holidays.
What is your soul saying?
I’m planning on doing an Emotional Jug every day over the holidays. I’ll either journal it or do it verbally with my handsome hubby.
We’re in the midst of a transition back to Asia. There are tons of positive emotions, things I’m delighted in about being back. Like the fun Thai elephants with Santa hats. Aren’t they fun? There is sadness too. We miss our kids and grandson. There are a few fears I need to take note of as well.
As you give your inner voice space to speak, pay attention. Take those things to the Christ child who came into this world with beautiful vulnerability. Look at the nativity scenes around you and let your heart engage with that Jesus, the babe in the manger is so very human.
I’m praying this Christmas season and the coming year will be the best one ever for you and yours. The Savior came to heal, redeem, and restore us. May He be your Savior in fresh new ways today and in 2020.
Advent is a time of waiting for the arrival of Christ. We celebrate His first coming to Earth. We look forward to His second return. It is also a time where we long for Him to come into the brokenness of our lives. Longing for …
When our kids weren’t feeling well and wanted to stay home from school, my husband felt their foreheads. Were they hot? Did they have a temperature? Eventually, we invested in a thermometer to measure things more accurately. Our marriages need a daily temperature reading too! …
Some people are spontaneous, their plans change often. They try something new at a moment’s notice. I like free-spirited people. Spontaneity is a highly held virtue when it comes to romance and marriage. It can help keep your relationship fresh and alive. Healthy habits and rituals, though, are the foundation of a good missionary marriage.
In this series of blogs on missionary marriage, I will suggest some habits to develop. These are key tools to establish a strong marriage in the mission field. Good habits have helped my husband and I significantly increase the pleasure and joy in our marriage. They’ve kept us on track when the pressures of an intense field ministry threaten our relationship.
John Maxwell, Christian author, and leadership trainer says this about habits. “If your habits don’t line up with your dream, you need to either change your habits or change your dream.”
What is the dream God has given you for your marriage? Do you long for your relationship to be a model of Christ’s love for the church? Something that the people you disciple and reach out to can see, and be drawn to the Lord? Do you desire a marriage that is a source of life and strength for you in the midst of battles and difficulties?
If your dream and reality aren’t quite matching up, there is hope. Healthy habits and rituals can help you move from your present reality to where God wants you to live.
My husband and I have always valued our marriage. On our wedding day, as we stood before friends and family and declared our deep desire to honor the Lord in our relationship. We promised in the sight of God to love each other well.
That hasn’t always been easy.
A few years after getting married, I remember talking to a single friend. We were talking about holiness. She felt she was doing quite well. God was helping her live without sin.
“Just wait ‘till you get married!” I exclaimed. “Marriage will teach you that you are a sinner in need of God!” Indeed, marriage exposed my selfishness and pride in surprising ways.
We have now been married for more than thirty years. God has been faithful. We’ve had some wonderful years. There have also been some very hard times in our married life.
Some years ago, we hit our lowest point. We sought counsel and help. Our counselors encouraged us to establish new habits, new ways of operating in our marriage.
It took time, but as we put those things in place and began to regularly practice them, things began to shift. By God’s grace, we came through that season. Today our marriage is stronger than ever before.
The storms of life still come. Spiritual attacks and ministry pressures haven’t gone away. They no longer threaten our marriage though, like they once did.
“And He came to Nazareth, where He had been brought up; and as was His custom, He entered the synagogue on the Sabbath, and stood up to read. “
Luke 4:16 NASB
In this verse, we read about one of Jesus’ habits. “As was His custom…” it says. Jesus had a habit of regularly going to the synagogue on the Sabbath. This custom was important in his life. It helped him maintain His relationship with His Father and the community of faith. Our customs and habits make a huge difference in who we are and how we live.
Some of the most important habits we’ve developed are: daily prayer together, planned times of romance and intimacy, a weekly logistics meeting, doing DTRs (Daily Temperature Readings), Reflective Listening, valuing one another’s desires, and exercising together.
I’ll describe these briefly here, then develop several of them further in future articles. You may not feel all these are relevant for you. That’s okay. Choose a few that seem like they would help the most and begin to work on those.
1. Daily Prayer Together
Even if it is short, praying together daily makes a huge difference in our marriages. We ask one another the question, “How can I pray for you today?” Then we take 5-10 minutes to lift one another up to God.
2. Scheduled Times of Intimacy
This doesn’t need to be legalistic, but we have found it helpful to plan to be intimate. Consider scheduling times to be close at the same time and day (or days) every week. We both look forward to and anticipate that time. By doing this, we don’t neglect this important area of married life when things get busy.
3. Weekly Logistics Meeting
Every Saturday morning, after our long run together, we go out for breakfast and then have a logistics meeting. In that meeting, we talk about things we need to plan, prepare for, or get done to keep our family running smoothly. Having a designated time for this keeps us from having to talk about these things on our date night.
4. Daily Temperature Reading Exercise (DTR)
Sharing of appreciation, new information, puzzles, complaints with a request for change and lastly, hopes and dreams are the steps in this 20-minute regular communication exercise.
5. Reflective Listening
Learning how to listen and truly hear each other has been a marriage-saving thing for us!
“What do you want?” Is a great question to regularly ask your spouse. Another great one is “What do you need from me right now?”
7. Physical Exercise Together
Especially as we age, regular exercise is vital for missionary health. Doing this together is fun and builds your relationship too.
Rituals are things you routinely do. You do them the same way, every day at the same time. They become so much a part of your life that you don’t have to think about them. You just do them.
I have a coffee ritual in the morning. I get up and do the exact same thing…every single day. Some athletes have special rituals they go through before every game.
Develop your own unique (and meaningful) marriage rituals to improve your relationship. Do you struggle with being affectionate enough? Start making it a ritual to give a hug or kiss each night before going to sleep. Or start a ritual of complimenting your spouse each morning when you first see them.
Do these things every day for a month, and they will start to become a ritual. Keep doing them for a year and you will not have to think about it anymore. The benefits of this are exponential. Small habits add up to big improvements!
What marriage rituals could you begin this week?
Talk with your spouse today about one thing you could make into a healthy marriage ritual. Let me know what you’ve decided on in the comments below or share with our missionary community on the Missionary Life Facebook page. I’m sure others will be inspired by your ideas.
Ambition. It’s not necessarily a good thing. It can be positive when properly focused. In his well-known book, Good to Great, Jim Collins talks about Level 5 leaders. He describes the kinds of leaders who take their companies from a good company to becoming a …
Do you ever feel empty? Exhausted? I do. We all face seasons of life when we are severely stretched. Ministry and family demands pile up and suddenly you realize you are “running on empty.” God desires us to live life full, not run on fumes. …
Children’s education is an important issue for all parents – including missionaries. We want our kids to have the best schooling available. Their future matters to us greatly.
Do we stretch our faith and place them in an expensive school, knowing we don’t really have the money for this? Or do we carefully look at our budget and make the hard decision to put them in a school that isn’t as good, but more affordable? Missionaries are regularly faced with these kinds of faith versus budget decisions.
Failure to “get this right” can result in the kind of debt that knocks us off the field and out of our calling. Or worse, it ruins our lives and leaves us bankrupt. Overstretching our budgets adds huge levels of stress to our lives. It can even cause depression. Not “doing well by our kids” might also result in feelings of failure in our parental roles.
So, when do we step out in faith, believing God will supply for these kinds of needs? And when do we hold back?
As missionaries, we must learn to walk in a healthy balance of faith and realistic actions. Blind faith is not pleasing to God and leads to all kinds of problems. What some people call faith, is more like wishful thinking. True faith looks carefully at the real situation, then looks to God for wisdom. If you are sure you’ve heard from God, move forward. Otherwise, learn to live within your means. God can provide incredible opportunities for your kid’s future, even with a less prestigious education.
Our eldest daughter had just turned four. She was bright and excited to learn. We found a good playschool not far from our house where some other kids we knew attended. Stopping by, we inquired about the fees. It was not cheap! Adding this amount to our monthly budget was quite a big stretch for us. Then, there were registration fees and other things we needed to purchase to get her enrolled. It felt like such a big step of faith to have her begin pre-school.
Then along came daughter number two. And later our son. With each of our kids entering school, our budget had to stretch. So did our faith.
As they went through primary school and entered secondary school, it seemed like the financial needs grew and grew. Each time we had to go back to God, look carefully at our budget and pray hard. What did God want us to do?
When college and university entry approached, we looked back on those days when it was just a few dollars a month and thought, “Wow! How could we have felt that was hard. This costs a fortune!”
God has been good and He has provided. It hasn’t always been the very top schools. Many times we ended up going for public education rather than private because we couldn’t afford it. Looking back, though, we can say, “God has been amazingly faithful to us and our kids.”
In a few weeks our youngest son will graduate from the University of Minnesota with a degree in Aerospace Engineering. All three kids are now adults. They all have finished their education debt-free, and we too are debt-free. We give glory to God!
We made a choice not to go with options that would put them or us into the kind of debt that would become a heavy burden. God honored those choices with His provision and blessing.
“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.”
Romans 13:8
We can get confused about this. We know God has spoken to us about something, but the money is not being released. What do we do? Put it on our credit card? Borrow money because we believe it will come in soon – somehow?
In these situations, we need to go back to God. Are we sure we heard correctly from Him? Perhaps we have the timing wrong? Is there anything further He wants to say to us?
Reconsider your options and let this take you back into a place of intercession. Taking a loan or going into debt in these kinds of situations is generally not wise. Even if the fees are due now for your child’s admission. If you do decide to go that direction, make sure you have a payment plan in mind that you can afford. Or if you are using a credit card, be sure you can pay it off within a month or two. Long term credit card debt is likely to destroy your financial health. Avoid it!
I’ve come to see provision as a confirmation that I heard from God correctly about something. Over and over again, His release of finances has shown me I was headed in the right direction. After you’ve prayed and heard from God about a schooling (or other) decision, ask your spiritual mentors and others to pray with you about it. Request their advice and input. This is especially true if you are taking a major financial risk.
Our hearts long to bless our kids. That comes from God and is a reflection of His heart within us! But we can’t give what we don’t have to them. This doesn’t train them to be responsible adults nor is it a good model. There is much more to loving our children well than giving them material blessings, including an excellent education. Your love, affirmation, prayer, encouragement and belief in them goes a very long way. Many would say that is more important than getting them in the best schools.
Sometime our children have dreams that are far beyond our means to help them with. Maybe they want to study in medical school. Or maybe they need expensive coaching to attain their goals. We can feel like “bad parents” if we can’t help with these needs.
Trust God to get your child to their destiny. In the process, He may want them to learn to work hard and save money themselves. It may take longer than they want it to. You don’t have to meet their every need to be a good parent.
Let God be your children’s God. You be their parent. Love them and provide for them, but also trust in God’s ability to help them. He can make a way for them. The Lord “owns the cattle on a thousand hills.” When your kids experience His provision for themselves, their own relationship with Him will grow stronger.
What was helpful to you from this article? What do you find hard about this issue? I’d love to hear from you in the comments or on the Missionary Life Facebook group.
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