Living faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the mission field
John Chau’s recent death in the Indian Ocean prompted many tweets, posts and news articles this past week. Murdered by Sentinelese tribesmen, John was a fairly young missionary. He went to a remote and unreached tribe with a passion to share the gospel with them. …
Ego-centric, direct, domineering, controlling, independent, critical…that list sounded down-right nasty to me. I didn’t want to be a “D” personality! I promptly decided I disliked personality tests. No one was going to put a label on me as to what personality type I had. Decision …
Pretending to ride a horse on his back, traveling on motorcycles to distant villages and sharing the good news of Jesus with others…these are a few of my memories of dad. The love, affirmation, and acceptance of our fathers is a powerful force in our lives. It’s not easy, as missionary dads, to make time to focus on your kids. Ministry demands are constant. If God has blessed you with children, the most important people you must disciple, are the ones God has placed in your own home.
My father, Jerry Falley, was not a perfect missionary dad. He did some things really well. He also had a few weak areas. One thing he did very successfully, though, was impart to me a love for God and a love for the lost. He pulled me into his passion and life by taking me on trips with him. He made time for me. His affirmation, still today, means the world to me. No one can speak life and hope into a child’s life like their daddy.
God designed it this way. Earthly fathers are to model and replicate Father God’s love. There is a hole in the heart of every human being that longs for a father’s affirmation…their unconditional acceptance. It’s a God-sized hole that only the Heavenly Father can truly fill. Earthly fathers, especially missionary dads, though, are called to be a bridge for their children to receive God’s love.
One of my favorite funny memories with my dad was from our time in Liberia.
There was a village area outside of the capital city of Monrovia that dad had on his heart to reach. He purchased a special motorcycle with large tires for trail riding. He built a raft out of barrels so he could take the bike across a river to get to the trail that led to the village. A few times a month (I don’t remember exactly how often), dad visited that area to share the gospel. He was looking for ways to plant a church there. He often took me along.
It was a grand adventure for an 11-year-old! Riding on a motorbike behind my dad, holding on for dear life, crossing rivers on a raft…who could a tom-boy like me want more?
Until the day my father was about to give me to an old African chief as a wife!
We were visiting an interior village. The old man who served as chief had his eye on me. He already had several wives and kids. I could see them gathered around him. Then, suddenly, to my chagrin, he asked my father if I was available!
My dad gave a very diplomatic response. It made me ready to jump on the motorbike and take off for home! To my surprise and horror, I heard my father say to him, “She would make a very good wife.”
“Dad! What are you doing???” I thought to myself. My eyes widened as I tried to restrain myself from crying out in protest!
I learned that day how to answer wisely in a cross-cultural situation. I watched my dad expertly and gracefully navigate that proposal with grace. I’m not sure how serious the chief really was, but it sure did make an impression on me that is vivid in my memory still today!
An even greater impression was made by the trips with him. Daddy loved lost people enough to make sacrifices to get to them. Daddy also loved me and wanted to share his favorite activity (sharing the gospel) with me.
I am deeply grateful I had a father who made time for me, affirmed me and allowed me to be a part of his ministry life. Much of who I am today in missions is because of the wonderful example and mentoring of my father, Jerry Falley
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1
Children read their parents to find out who they are. “Am I okay? Am I acceptable and worthy?” These questions are being asked in the hearts of children, even from birth.
Elijah House Ministries has some excellent teaching on what is called “Basic Trust.” Parents, especially fathers, play a major role in establishing this within a child. Their sense of security and well-being comes from being loved, held, and affirmed by their parents.
As a dad, your words hold great power. As do your lack of words. Be quick to speak out words of affirmation when you catch your child doing something well. Tell them often that you love them and are proud of them. And be careful about criticism.
While you may feel you do need to bring correction at times, don’t be harsh in how you talk to your children. Instead, exercise restraint and gentleness in what you say and how you say it.
At the end of your life, it will be your children who will still be there to care for you. Don’t neglect your physical children to give attention to your spiritual children. Prioritize your own children and make time for them. Take time to listen to them, to play with them, to pay attention to what is going on in their lives. If you disciple your children well, they will be a joy to you when you are old. If you neglect them, you will pay for it later.
Do your children have access to you? Can they get your attention when they need to? Or are they always told to wait until you finish with other ministry commitments?
It is vital that missionary children feel valued by their parents. One of the ways they will feel important to you is if they know they have “special access” to you that others don’t. You take their calls on the phone before others. You put other people “on hold” to hear their requests…even if it is a simple, “Daddy, can I watch TV now?”
When my dad was the chairman of the missions department at a Christian University in the USA, he was a very busy man. I knew that I could walk into his office and talk to him without an appointment. That meant a lot to me. He gave me access.
As a missionary father, you are most likely pretty passionate about what you do. Let your kids be included in that rather than sidelined by it. They will catch your passion, as I did, from my father.
You don’t need to be a perfect dad. Just love your kids well. Love them purposefully. Be that bridge to their experiencing the love of God.
If you aren’t a father today, or if you didn’t have a very good dad, allow God to meet you there. Let Him be to you the perfect Father. Let Him heal the orphan spirit within you and bring you to a place of wholeness in Him. There is nothing He would rather do on Father’s day.
How did your dad influence you toward God’s heart for the lost? Or mentor you? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or on the Missionary Life Facebook group.
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What does it mean to live an authentic, transparent life as a leader in ministry? Who do you share what with? Is it appropriate for everyone to know the deep challenges you walk through? Is it somehow false or wrong to “keep secrets” or not reveal the whole truth about a struggle you are facing? These are important questions for missionary leaders to ask.
Authenticity and transparency are important hallmarks of humble and powerful leaders in the Kingdom of God. It is out of the reality of our struggles, valleys, and the victories fought and won that we speak with authority. Our life messages to others- whether before a crowd or in a one on one mentoring time- come from this place.
As leaders, we need to develop various circles of intimacy and access. Danny Silk has excellent material on this topic. Some of the ideas below are from his teachings.
The person in the inner most circle, with the greatest intimacy and access to our heart, is Jesus. Having an authentic, open, real relationship with Him, where we feel free to tell him exactly what we think, feel and are experiencing is absolutely critical to our spiritual health. In that place, we listen to His voice, cry on His shoulder, and receive comfort… this is the place of greatest nakedness in our lives.
No one should have greater access to our hearts and our deepest “secrets” than our Lord. We meet with Him in that place of absolute honesty, naked and without shame, in our very worst and very best of times.
Only Jesus is worthy of this level of access. Only He can provide for us the level of unconditional love and acceptance needed for this kind of “exposure.”
The next circle out includes best friends or a spouse. This person knows what is happening in our lives. We chose to be real, honest and emotionally naked before them, sharing the reality of our lives and current struggles. Our sin, frustrations with God, other people, and even with ourselves, are shared with these friends.
This person has a place of great privilege, deep intimacy, trust, and openness. A
These people have greater access to us as well. They are the ones who can walk into our office without an appointment, who we take time to communicate with on a daily basis, etc.
The next circle is a place for family or your closest mentors and disciples. Again, we give greater access and information to them and we expect a high level of communication from them. There is reciprocity in the relationship, and we are willing to invest highly here. We share deeply who we are and what we are going through, as well as giving them the same opportunity to do so with us.
Family members and those you work with on a regular basis may be included in the circle mentioned above or they may not. This depends on the relationship, commitment and primarily on the level of trust and reciprocity you experience.
When trust is broken, you may need to remove someone from the inner circle. They no longer have the privilege of the same kind of access they once were given.
The circles continue outward, with lessening levels of access, intimacy,
With those in the outer circles, you are still real, honest and authentic, but you are selective in the level of exposure of yourself. You are guard more carefully what you share with them. This is part of what Jesus spoke of when He said to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves. It is critical in the lives of leaders that we work hard to stay authentic, open and real and to have people in those inner circles of access and intimacy- places where we are able to share our deepest pain and struggles.
And it is essential, in our walk with God, that we reach and maintain a level of intimacy and access with Him where we can be absolutely naked and without shame before the God who loves us with a love that no human being can replicate or replace. We do not need to feel guilty, or “false”, when we deny access to information about ourselves, or do not share the details of our lives with those in the outer circles. It is as unwise to share too much with those people as it is to walk naked through the streets. You open yourself up to abuse and problems if you strip yourself before them.
It is also necessary to deny free access of your time and energy to those in outer circles. Though you love them and care about their needs and issues, if time and energy flow to the outer circles, it will be taken away from those who you need to give to. Time and energy are limited resources. Never feel bad about saying, “I don’t have time or energy right now, I ’ll check my calendar and get back to you,” with those who are not in
Even, in crisis situations, we can not let them intrude into our lives in a way that robs those who deserve our time, attention and energy from getting what they need and deserve from us. When we do so, we will pay a price and the quality of intimacy and relationship with God and those closest to us will suffer.
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Be careful, be wise, be vulnerable, and pursue intimate and real relationships. Keep secrets. Share secrets. Be real. Be authentic. Be discerning. Manage and regulate your energy and time and give it most to those who have earned that place and where you know the investments you make will bring great returns. As you do this, your overall circles of influence will widen and many will be touched and changed by who you are and the impact you have.
The above blog was originally published on ywamfrontiermissions.com in October 2014.
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Life can
For quite a few years now, I’ve started my day asking God that question. “What is your assignment for me today, Lord?”
I find it helpful to listen to Him at the beginning of the day, to pause and hear His direction. There may be many things I feel I should do. But if I can narrow it down to one main thing, and then be faithful with that, it helps me stay focused. It helps me be faithful and fruitful.
We can not control fruitfulness. That is in God’s hands. What we do have control over is our faithfulness to the things God has asked us to do. As we obey God each day, listening to Him, and receiving His “God Assignments,” our lives will definitely bear fruit. He takes our loaves and fish. Then He multiplies them.
At the end of the day, at the end of the year, indeed at the end of my life, if I can stand before the Lord and know I’ve been obedient… that is enough for me. That doesn’t mean I’ve done everything I could have. It doesn’t mean I’ve been perfect. But I want to be faithful in the main assignments, the things that were not just good ideas, but truly God ideas. His priorities must be my priorities.
Sometimes, God surprises me when I ask the question, “What is your assignment for me today, Lord?”
One day when I asked that, I heard His still small voice respond, “Go to the pool. You need rest.”
“Really God? There is so much to do!” I said this back to Him but I obeyed. I went to the pool.
Another day when I asked, He told me to spend time with my neighbors, to do a Bible study with one who is a new believer. Other days, His ONE THING for me has been creating blogs, videos, working on my book, or serving the poor around me. Some days it has been spending time in prayer. Or sharing my testimony with the lady at the coffee shop.
Not only do I practice this in daily life, but also as I plan for each year. I ask God what His top priority is for me that year. He is faithful to speak to me as I ask.
When I know that top priority, then though I am involved in many other things as well, I am able to focus. I am able to obey.
“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”
1 Sam. 15:22 NIV.
Have you asked Him yet? What His assignment is for you?
If you’d like to, let me know in the comments below or share on the Missionary Life page. May God give us all grace to be faithful and obedient today.
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