“People are feeling pressure.” I hear this from missionaries and leaders sometimes. Or I get an email from someone saying they feel pressurized – especially at the end of the year when reports are due. Others express genuine feelings of being overwhelmed by their work. …
It is predictable. Every spring when school fees are due in India, the messages and emails come. “We don’t have enough to pay for our kid’s fees this year!” Desperate missionary parents send out appeals. Often they come in inappropriate ways. They beg people to …
After more than twenty years, he was finally granted a visa. He would return to the place of his original missionary calling. Visa uncertainty threatened to steal his peace, however, even in the midst of this exciting moment.
His passport finally had the visa stamp. But would he be turned away at the airport, as he was so many years before?
This morning I prayed for my friend who is facing this. I wonder what will happen.
Visa Uncertainties – A Common Reality
Speaking to a group of new missionaries, I talked about visa uncertainty.
“If you haven’t yet had a visa-related problem, you most likely will,” I said. “If you manage to live as a missionary without any visa challenges, you are quite an exception.”
God is with us in visa-related storms. He longs to deeply meet us in these most turbulent of seasons.
Uncovering Deep Needs
Visa challenges can uncover deep needs in our inner lives. We come face to face with issues related to what is called basic trust.
“Is God good? Will He be there to help us? Is life safe?” we ask.
“Can I feel secure on the mission field when my visa is so unpredictable?”
Though it’s not easy, surrendering to God’s process in our lives brings an opportunity for emotional growth. We can allow God to use our visa storms to heal rather than harm us. We can emerge stronger and more secure in His love.
“The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace.” Ps 29:11- NIV
Cracks In Basic Trust
Every visa-related crisis is different, as are the individuals involved. One of the root issues that may surface relates to our trust. If there are cracks in the foundation of trust from childhood, they will affect us.
I Knew They Loved Me…But
As a missionary kid, I always knew my parents loved me. In that way, I was fortunate.
In the early months of my life, however, there was a war in the country where my parents served. My mother, elder brother and I left Africa and returned to the United States. I was a year old and my brother was four.
My father stayed behind to serve in relief efforts. For many months, my courageous mom coped with a husband far away and in danger. She did her best to love and care for her two little ones at home. We were physically safe, but the love and presence of a father were missing in those early months of my life.
Crisis Times Reveal Emotional Deficits
Later, my husband and I worked as missionaries too. As is common, we struggled with visa uncertainty. Other challenges on the mission field combined with those difficulties as well.
A fear of abandonment began to rise inside of me. I wasn’t sure life would be okay.
Would God leave me alone and struggling?
I needed help to recognize that these fears were caused by root issues related to my father’s absence in my formative years. It was necessary to forgive my dad for not being present for me as a small child. (I didn’t even know I had resentment against him for that! There were no memories of his absence and I mentally understood why he had done what he did. In fact, I respected him for his sacrifice.)
In faith, however, I decided to express forgiveness. I received prayer ministry and counsel. As I did this, a new ability to trust God was re-established inside of me. The sense of panic lessened. I felt safe and secure in God’s arms.
Our human ability to trust develops in the first 18 months of life.
Psychologist Erik Erickson developed a theory of psychosocial development. In it, he described how babies learn from their caregivers about whether or not the world is a safe place. In this process, they either develop basic trust or basic mistrust of people (and God).
“Small babies are new to this world and may view the outside world as threatening. Depending on how they are treated by people around them, the sense of threat can be replaced by trust. When this happens, they gain a sense of security and begin to learn to trust people around them.” https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/erikerikson/
So how does this relate to missionaries facing visa uncertainty?
No Parents Are Perfect
Even great parents are not perfect. And many people, including missionaries, didn’t have great parents.We might have had tired parents, or busy and stressed out parents.
Some have had abusive caregivers during their early childhood years.
Take time to notice what is going on inside of you when the threat of visa crisis looms large.
Do you begin to feel panicked? Insecure and unsafe?
Allow the Holy Spirit to take you to the root of those feelings. What might those feelings be exposing that God wants to heal?
God never promises us freedom from challenge and pain. He does promise to be near us in the midst of it. The Father longs to give you the security and peace you need. He wants you to live life fully and joyfully.
That is true even when there is visa uncertainty.
Help Is Available – Seek It Out
Many good counseling centers for missionaries exist around the world. More are being developed. Coaches and prayer ministers can talk you through these issues too.
If you feel insecurities beginning to surface, seek help and healing. It is available.
Partner with God’s processes in your life and embrace them. There is joy on the other side.
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“I can handle quite a lot of difficulty and pain. I just don’t want my kids to suffer!” Most missionaries feel this way. If we couldn’t handle significant levels of discomfort, we wouldn’t have chosen this life. In my experience, missionaries have a higher than normal pain tolerance. But we love our kids. We don’t want them to be negatively affected by our calling. Yet, as much as we hate it, sometimes they are. This is particularly true when we face missionary visa challenges.
The transitions and stress that are a part of these take their toll. How do we minimize the negative effects on our children?
Much of how our kids are affected, depends on how we, as parents, handle these situations. Our kids are often like mirrors. They reflect back our own internal struggles. We want our kids to feel safe and secure. This is crucial for their mental health and development.
But how do we create that environment in the midst of missionary visa challenges?
External stability can be hard to find. Sometimes it’s close to impossible to achieve. As parents, we can provide for our kids an inner stability. We can give them a firm foundation. This security flows directly from our own inner life.
“I Don’t Understand You, God!”
Let me share a short excerpt from my soon to be released book- God Encounters In The Wild Places.
My heart was confused and I was grieving. I was angry with my situation and with God. Why did it have to be so hard? Why were we even here? And most of all, why hadn’t He come through for us in providing the visa for Nepal?
We missed our friends in that Himalayan nation. We missed our home…our lives. India wasn’t easy and this particular plains city was harder than most. The Lonely Planet Travel Guide had only a few lines listed about our city. It said “Get out of there as soon as possible.”
The place we were now in was around a million people (including the outskirt areas). But there were only a handful of foreigners there. That didn’t bother us so much. It did make cooking challenging.
What was available to purchase now was very different from what we had been used to in Kathmandu. The market in our new home, simply wasn’t big enough for foreign goods. Even simple things like cheese, various kinds of cereal, or different types of juice were scarce. These were things our kids had liked to eat.
As I cried out to the Lord in the early mornings, I was honest with God. “I don’t understand You! You didn’t lead us here like when You led us to Nepal. I don’t like this city and I don’t like India. Please help me God! If You want us to stay here, I need You to give me Your grace. I can’t do it on my own.”
Before I could help my kids feel safe in the midst of our missionary visa challenges, I first needed to “have it out” with God. It was a process, journeying toward a place of trust, acceptance, and peace. It took time, but I got there. Our kids got there too.
“When I am afraid, I will trust in you.” Psalm 56:3- NIV
4 Things To Help Transfer Security To Your Kids
Here are a few things we did in that transition time that helped us and our kids. I hope these suggestions benefit you today!
1) Be honest about how you feel.
First of all, be real with God. Admit your fears and frustration. Don’t try to “suck it up” and “stuff it down.” That only leads to a prolonged struggle and possible depression.
Tell God what you feel about the situation you are in. Maybe you haven’t lost your visa, but you are sick to death of having to worry about it, year after year, month after month. You might be tired of having to make that “border runs” again and again. Don’t try to be a “good missionary” who never complains, even to God. Believe me, He knows about it anyway and you aren’t impressing Him when you don’t admit your struggles! God can handle your frustration. He won’t get offended or punish you for expressing what is going on inside.
It’s also good to find a few friends to be honest about your missionary visa challenges with as well. Share what you are feeling inside. Don’t have a friend nearby? Get on Facebook or Skype and find someone! Or, feel free to write to the Missionary Life Facebook page! But get it out, don’t hold it in!
2) Choose trust over anxiety.
Often, I’ve had to simply choose trust over worry. It’s not easy but it can be done.
Meditate on Ps. 56:3 or Philippians 4:6-7.
Even if you have to make that conscious choice a hundred times a day, do it. Say to yourself, “I’m choosing trust. I won’t give in to fear and worry. God, I trust You in this situation.”
It is powerful to speak to our souls and tell them what to choose!
3) Notice the good and celebrate it actively.
Gratefulness has the ability to change our emotions. Make a “thankful list” and keep it in a prominent place like Anne Voscamp’s “1000 Gifts” book suggests. Train yourself to notice the good things.
4) Watch your words.
Talk about things that are good and lovely.
We feel more strongly the things we talk about often. Do you find yourself complaining about the heat? The adjustments? The things you don’t like about your situation? Guard your mouth. It is transmitting and transferring those sentiments to your kids.
Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things and the God of peace will be with you,” (Philippians 4:8)
As parents, you set the tone in your home. Much of the family atmosphere comes from what you as parents speak about. Choose to talk about good things. It will help your kids. It helps you too! 🙂
A Song To Encourage
I’d like to share a bit of an older song with you. It’s called My Heart Will Trust. As you face your visa related challenges, will you choose to trust Him? Make that decision again today as you listen to this song.
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I can’t remember the last time I heard a sermon on holiness. In some ways, the move away from hellfire and brimstone preaching has been so important. We don’t want to coerce people to put their trust in Jesus because we’ve scared them to death! The gospel is a message of love and relationship, not fear. It could be though, that we’ve swung too far, in wanting to make the gospel attractive. Have we drifted away from calling people to something important to God?
God is holy. He is concerned that His people live holy lives. When we allow sinful behavior and influences to creep into our lives, we no longer reflect His glory and nature to a world that needs to see who He is – through us. It’s important to instruct ourselves (and those we disciple) to live as those “set apart” from the world. We are called to live and act in radically different ways from those who don’t yet know Christ.
Was Rock Music Wrong?
When I was a teenager, I liked music. My favorite style was jazz. There was an artist named Al Jarreau, whose music made me feel happy and alive. He was not a Christian, nor did he play hymns and worship songs. Sometimes, when with my friends, I listened to music on the radio. The words were often ungodly. Some of the songs encouraged one toward drugs, sex, alcohol abuse, and worse.
My youth pastor at church invited a speaker to come and talk with us about rock music and the dangers of its influence. I remember them well. They talked about back-masking and all kinds of surprising things. When they played a popular band’s song backward you could sort of hear it saying “Worship Satan. Worship Satan.” We were shocked!
I loved God and vowed not to listen to that band anymore. Though I agreed with some things these people said, there was also something in me that didn’t like what they shared. “Not everything in the world that isn’t Christian is evil,” I thought to myself. I love Al Jarreau’s music. Do I have to throw away my albums and only listen to Christian bands? If I want to be holy and please God?
Perhaps there was a balance to be maintained. How could a person stay engaged with the world enough to relate to unbelievers well, while being holy enough to come before an awesome God?
My pursuit of the answer to that question has taken varied twists and turns since my teenage years. It is still a valid question to ask, though, one I return to once again today.
Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.
Hebrews 12:14 NIV
What is holiness?
The Bible is clear on this topic, whether we emphasize it or not. God is holy and He calls His people to live holy before Him. But what does that mean?
Let’s start with a quick review of some Biblical passages.
· You are to be holy to me because I, the LORD, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own. Leviticus 20:26 NIV
· As obedient children, do not conform to the passions of your former ignorance. But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”… 1 Pet 1:14-16 Berean Study Bible
In the Old Testament books of Exodus and Leviticus. there are many references to holiness. The Israelites were set apart from other nations around them. They were to be holy.
This is not only an Old Covenant command. It is repeated in the New Testament. We are not to conform to the world but to be transformed. Sanctification is the theological word for that process in our lives.
The Bible Project describes holiness this way, “Holiness is about more than being good and morally upstanding. … God’s holiness is his defining characteristic. It’s a term used in the Bible to describe both his goodness and his power. It is completely unique and utterly all-powerful, radiating from God like an energy.”
Some Areas Where We Are Called to Be Set Apart
The way we treat people we disagree with.
This is a big one in a day and age when there is so much division in both the church and in political settings. How do we treat those who have a different position from ours? Are we good listeners? Able to dialogue and show respect for other people’s viewpoints? Even learn from them?
Kindness is a very high value in the culture of Thailand, where we live. As Jesus followers, are we kinder than those who don’t know Jesus? Harsh and unkind attitudes do not reflect the goodness and glory of God. Let others see our love!
Our comfort level (or tolerance) of ungodly behavior.
While being kind, it doesn’t mean we are comfortable around sin. As we walk in holiness, we must hate sin. What we need to be careful about is that we do not hate sinners too. When you hear God’s name taken in vain, does it make you uncomfortable? What about when we see things in films or T.V.? It is easy to grow accustomed to sin and stop even noticing it. Our conscience can become desensitized to things we used to feel were wrong. We can even become numb to perverse sexual behavior when we participate in them by silently watching those things in films or on TV.
What we value and prioritize.
We are in the world but not of it. This means we have a completely different set of values and priorities. It is easy to be influenced by materialism or the obsession with status and climbing the ladder of achievement. Money and the making of money need to take their rightful place in our lives as believers. If all our extra time is spent on pleasure, or making enough money to get ahead in life, are we that different from the non-believer down the street?
What we absorb into our bodies and souls.
As the New Year begins, I’ve been particularly challenged to consider this. What do I put in my mouth and what do I put in my soul (through what I watch)? Am I feeding my body what it needs to be healthy or a diet of junk food that satisfies for a short time only?
Our soul food comes through what we watch, what we read, and what we expose ourselves to. Pornography is a huge problem, even among Christian leaders. If that is something that’s been a challenge for you, seek help and freedom. There is support for this issue available and the Lord desires to set you free.
As we pursue holiness we say no to things that are not good for our minds and hearts to absorb.
Have you drifted away from a pursuit of holiness? We cannot say we are pursuing God and not pursue holiness. Nor can we pursue holiness apart from God.
Start the New Year with a fresh commitment to holy living. Let’s reflect the love, glory, and purity of God to a world that is desperate to see it’s possible to live free and whole. We are set apart!
It’s Christmas Eve here in Thailand. The sun is about to rise. I’m drinking my morning coffee and gazing at the candle glowing on my living room table. The lights on the Christmas tree flicker. Soon I’ll begin baking and cooking, preparing a special meal …