Keeping Your Family Stable & Sane While Facing Visa Challenges

“I can handle quite a lot of difficulty and pain. I just don’t want my kids to suffer!” Most missionaries feel this way. If we couldn’t handle significant levels of discomfort, we wouldn’t have chosen this life. In my experience, missionaries have a higher than normal pain tolerance. But we love our kids. We don’t want them to be negatively affected by our calling. Yet, as much as we hate it, sometimes they are. This is particularly true when we face missionary visa challenges.

The transitions and stress that are a part of these take their toll. How do we minimize the negative effects on our children?

Much of how our kids are affected, depends on how we, as parents, handle these situations. Our kids are often like mirrors. They reflect back our own internal struggles. We want our kids to feel safe and secure. This is crucial for their mental health and development.

But how do we create that environment in the midst of missionary visa challenges?

External stability can be hard to find. Sometimes it’s close to impossible to achieve. As parents, we can provide for our kids an inner stability. We can give them a firm foundation. This security flows directly from our own inner life.

“I Don’t Understand You, God!”

Let me share a short excerpt from my soon to be released book- God Encounters In The Wild Places.

My heart was confused and I was grieving. I was angry with my situation and with God. Why did it have to be so hard? Why were we even here? And most of all, why hadn’t He come through for us in providing the visa for Nepal?

We missed our friends in that Himalayan nation. We missed our home…our lives. India wasn’t easy and this particular plains city was harder than most. The Lonely Planet Travel Guide had only a few lines listed about our city. It said “Get out of there as soon as possible.”

The place we were now in was around a million people (including the outskirt areas). But there were only a handful of foreigners there. That didn’t bother us so much. It did make cooking challenging.

What was available to purchase now was very different from what we had been used to in Kathmandu. The market in our new home, simply wasn’t big enough for foreign goods. Even simple things like cheese, various kinds of cereal, or different types of juice were scarce. These were things our kids had liked to eat.

As I cried out to the Lord in the early mornings, I was honest with God. “I don’t understand You! You didn’t lead us here like when You led us to Nepal. I don’t like this city and I don’t like India. Please help me God! If You want us to stay here, I need You to give me Your grace. I can’t do it on my own.”

Before I could help my kids feel safe in the midst of our missionary visa challenges, I first needed to “have it out” with God. It was a process, journeying toward a place of trust, acceptance, and peace. It took time, but I got there. Our kids got there too.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in you.” Psalm 56:3- NIV

4 Things To Help Transfer Security To Your Kids

Here are a few things we did in that transition time that helped us and our kids. I hope these suggestions benefit you today!

1) Be honest about how you feel.

First of all, be real with God. Admit your fears and frustration. Don’t try to “suck it up” and “stuff it down.” That only leads to a prolonged struggle and possible depression.

Tell God what you feel about the situation you are in. Maybe you haven’t lost your visa, but you are sick to death of having to worry about it, year after year, month after month. You might be tired of having to make that “border runs” again and again. Don’t try to be a “good missionary” who never complains, even to God. Believe me, He knows about it anyway and you aren’t impressing Him when you don’t admit your struggles! God can handle your frustration. He won’t get offended or punish you for expressing what is going on inside.

It’s also good to find a few friends to be honest about your missionary visa challenges with as well. Share what you are feeling inside. Don’t have a friend nearby? Get on Facebook or Skype and find someone! Or, feel free to write to the Missionary Life Facebook page! But get it out, don’t hold it in!

2) Choose trust over anxiety.

Often, I’ve had to simply choose trust over worry. It’s not easy but it can be done.

Meditate on Ps. 56:3 or Philippians 4:6-7.

Even if you have to make that conscious choice a hundred times a day, do it. Say to yourself, “I’m choosing trust. I won’t give in to fear and worry. God, I trust You in this situation.”

It is powerful to speak to our souls and tell them what to choose!

3) Notice the good and celebrate it actively.

Gratefulness has the ability to change our emotions. Make a “thankful list” and keep it in a prominent place like Anne Voscamp’s “1000 Gifts” book suggests. Train yourself to notice the good things.

4) Watch your words.

Talk about things that are good and lovely.

We feel more strongly the things we talk about often. Do you find yourself complaining about the heat? The adjustments? The things you don’t like about your situation? Guard your mouth. It is transmitting and transferring those sentiments to your kids.

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things and the God of peace will be with you,” (Philippians 4:8)

As parents, you set the tone in your home. Much of the family atmosphere comes from what you as parents speak about. Choose to talk about good things. It will help your kids. It helps you too! 🙂

A Song To Encourage

I’d like to share a bit of an older song with you. It’s called My Heart Will Trust. As you face your visa related challenges, will you choose to trust Him? Make that decision again today as you listen to this song.