Living faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the mission field
“What are you waiting for?” The phrase conjures up negative thoughts. In my mind’s eye, I see angry, hurried people, pushing, and prodding. Hurry up! Get a move on! Delays can be miserable. Waiting isn’t all bad though. There is both joy and pain in …
Imagine with me. Party invitations were handed out in the room. You waited breathless and anticipating. Your card must be at the bottom of the pile they clasped in capable hands. Until the final card was distributed, there was still a glimmer of hope. Would …
“Suck it up!” My basketball coach used to tell me that when I was acting tired during our practice drills. “No pain, no gain!” In many ways, we are taught to ignore pain and push through it. I’m not saying there isn’t a place for deep determination and perseverance on the mission field! There is! But that differs from suppressing our emotions and acting like we don’t feel the pain. Missionary depression is real and common.
I want to introduce you to an extremely helpful tool. This simple exercise has done wonders for my emotional health on the mission field. Suppressed emotions will make you sick- physically and emotionally. If you are sick, you have little ability to help others around you. Don’t “suck it up” and try to be tough, pretending you are okay when you are not. Be real and get those emotions out.
Doing an “Emotional Jug” to Jesus, with your spouse, or close friend can make a world of difference!
When I say that emotional suppression can make you depressed, I mean it. I wish I could say that I had read that on the internet or in some counseling book and that was how I learned about this. But, no, that wouldn’t be true. I learned it the hard way, through personal experience with missionary depression.
Some years ago, I went through what might be called a “perfect storm.” Situation after situation led to emotional depletion. One crisis was followed by another crisis, in our work and ministry. A series of disappointments, discouragements, and betrayals took a tremendous amount of energy.
Then, a visiting pastor from our home church became deathly sick. We worked day and night to arrange for her medical evacuation.
This took a lot out of me, but I felt I had to “soldier on.” People were depending on me. I was a leader. After resting a day or two I carried on doing my work. I had no idea that a serious case of missionary depression was threatening.
I started to notice that I didn’t seem to have any feelings anymore. There was more of a sense of dullness inside. Depression was beginning to take hold of me, though I didn’t recognize it. When my depression became serious, I sought treatment and professional help. Over several months, I had to work hard to get in touch with what I was feeling inside. I had shut those emotions off to be able to cope.
Part of what helped me heal, was learning the tool I want to introduce here. It’s called an Emotional Jug. I wish I had known before how to use this simple tool. It would have saved my family and me a lot of pain. The long-term consequences of full-blown depression are significant. It took many years on medication to fully recover.
A major cause of missionary depression is that we don’t know how to properly deal with our emotions. We must learn how to acknowledge them to ourselves, to God, and to those we are closest to.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” Proverbs 13:12
When we face grief, disappointment, betrayal, and loss, we must make space in our lives to “feel.” Otherwise, we are at risk.
This simple tool isn’t complicated, but it makes an important difference. It is called an “Emotional Jug.” My therapist heard about this from an organization called P.A.I.R.s.
Often I write the answers to these questions out in my journal. I express these things to Jesus. But sometimes I do it with my husband as well. Both are helpful. If you are doing it with your spouse or a friend, this is what you do.
Friend asks: What are you mad about?
You respond: I am mad because….
Friend asks: What else are you mad about?
You respond: I am also mad about this…
Continue to say anything that comes to your mind. Even if you might be only slightly angry or irritated about it.
The other person doesn’t reply or try to fix you or explain anything. They simply listen and continue to ask you the same question until there is nothing else you can think of.
The friend then asks: What are you sad about?
You respond: I feel sad because….
Again, you continue with as many things as you can think of. The other person just keeps asking and listening.
You do the same with the questions;
At the end, the friend or spouse thanks the person speaking for being willing to share what is going on inside of them. If need be, at that point you can switch roles. Now you can ask your friend the same 4 questions. You be the listener.
When finished, pray together asking God for wisdom and strength. Request His help as you process these difficult feelings you’ve shared.
Simple right? It really is! Mad, sad, scared and glad. These 4 primary emotions tell us a lot about what is going on inside!
Don’t be surprised if when you first start doing this with someone or in your journal, it takes awhile. Many times we have become numb to what we are feeling. But if you give it a little time and are patient, some minor things will come to your mind. Then, slowly, the deeper feelings will surface.
Why not try doing this exercise with someone today? It only takes about 20 minutes and can seriously help!
You might not be depressed or anxious. That is great! Then you will have a lot of things to say you are glad about. But you might be surprised at what comes out as well.
Missionary depression is much more common than you would think. We face a lot of difficult disappointments, traumas, and losses on the mission field. You don’t need to become unhealthy. There are skills and tools you can learn like this one. They help us live fulfilling and wonderful lives on the field despite intense challenges.
I did an emotional jug today! It helped! Why don’t you do one too? Let me know in the comments how it went and if doing this helped or not.
For more information about how to do an Emotional Jug, and for other helpful resources see the Pairs.com website.
Every year I ask the Lord a question. “What one thing do you want me to do this year?” I like to get my priorities crystal clear. When I know what God has said to do, I have my marching orders. I know my one …
Have you ever lost your temper? Gotten upset with fellow team members? Differences in personality, culture, and spiritual gifting can drive us apart. Or, these differences can make us strong and effective as a missionary team. My husband and I are extreme opposites in many …
Before I went into missions I had a grand desire to do something meaningful with my life. I think most of us long for something like that. Our search for meaning and purpose can leave us feeling disappointed with God or ourselves. Disappointment in how our lives have turned out can bring a sense of sadness or even depression. Let me explain through a few examples.
When my husband asked me to marry him on bended knee, I looked into his loving eyes and said “Yes!” I had great excitement and anticipation of the happy marriage that would be before us.
Another precious moment was when I held my firstborn son (and all my kids for the first time!) I gazed into his tiny open eyes with wonder and love. My heart overflowed with delight and a hopeful confidence that many joys of motherhood were ahead.
Similarly, when I first realized the freedom of forgiveness, I thought that sin was finished in my life forever. I thought, “How could I ever go back to futility?“
Yet in each of these areas of life, as time has passed, there has been both joy and pain; ministry, family, marriage, and yes, even in my relationship with God.
We start most new seasons with excitement and the expectation that everything will be wonderful. This can later turn as sour as rotten milk. A deep disappointment rises to the surface when “real life” catches up with us. Expectations are a double-edged sword.
Expectation propels us forward into the future, as we work for what we dream of. They can also be a source of deep internal pain and frustration if they are unfulfilled. How do we navigate this tension and unfortunately reality with grace and godliness?
The bitter pain of family disappointment hit me hard some years ago. I’d been praying for a situation in my family. Instead of getting better, it seemed to get worse. After years of prayer for this situation, I realized I’d started to avoid that topic in my prayers. I was still working for God, praying, and reading my Bible. I was unwilling to speak to God about my internal distress over this particular problem in my family.
Finally, I went on a long solitary walk in the woods and poured out my heart to God. I realized as the words flowed out of my mouth and the tears down my cheeks that the brokenness I felt over these tender lost dreams was killing hope and joy. I was “heartsick” with the painful, seemingly unchangeable brokenness in our family.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12
Recognizing this helped me to be honest in my prayers to God and to once again speak to Him about the pain of our broken condition. I realized there was pain related to the family situation, but there was also additional frustration due to God’s seeming lack of intervention. The Bible is filled with records of God’s answers to prayer. It also contains many cries of distress (laments) over His apparent inaction.
Below are a few examples of those kinds of prayers in Scripture.
After crying out to God in honesty and lament, I was then free to ask Him for his perspective on this family situation. That meant I needed to go back and consider what I was expecting or hoping for. I wanted each of my family members to be walking closely with God. To live up to their potential, gifting, and to become coworkers in the Great Commission (not necessarily full-time workers, but to be active in disciple-making). As I pondered this hope, I realized I had an idealistic image of “the perfect family.” I was heartbroken about how far we were from that glossy picture.
As I continued to think about this, I asked myself, “What do I want God to do? What is it that would make me satisfied?” I realized my expectations were not aligned with God’s. I wanted God to override my child’s free will, to “make” them be good. I wanted them to do what I thought was best for them, rather than allowing God to shepherd them on the unique path they are on.
My attitude needed to change. God gently revealed the truth in my own sinful heart. A big part of why I so strongly wanted them to change, was because it made me look bad as a parent if my children weren’t doing well. Ouch! That was not a fun thing to come to grips with. My disappointment was rooted in pride.
I worried that people would look down on me because of my children. When a spiritual leader would say “All my children are following the Lord” as proof of their success, I felt deep pain inside. Noticing other “perfect” families around me I would have feelings of comparison and jealousy. My reputation was being tarnished and I felt ashamed.
God revealed that I was taking responsibility for choices that were not mine. My husband and I can train our children, we can pray for them, but only they can choose to surrender to God and allow Him to transform their lives.
I was fearful that they would be punished, or cut off from God. There were false beliefs about who God is and how He operates. They needed to be repented of. As I went through this process with God, it felt like weights were lifted off. The chains of sin, shame, and false expectations were broken.
I reread the promises God had spoken. He wanted to “renew my hope” by helping me to lay down expectations of what I thought God should do. I could receive fresh hope from God and pray for what He wanted to do.
My hope is built on the fact that God loves my family more than I do. My trust rests in the knowledge that God hears and answers my prayers. He is more persistent in his wooing love than I could ever be. He alone is my judge – no one else – and He will both correct and reward me righteously.
Going through this tender process, I realized that hope and expectation are not the same things. Expectations need to be thrown off. Hope needs to be worn like a life jacket in a stormy sea. Expectations can drown us. Hope lifts us up.
Holding expectations over others or ourselves makes us driven, controlling, or exasperated. Hope, rather, gives us the courage to keep going each day even through terrible, hard-to-understand circumstances.
We do not live in a fairy tale where everything will be ‘happily ever after”. We live in a world of blood, sweat, and tears. We are promised ‘trouble” in this world by Jesus. So why are we so disappointed when we get it?
The way forward is not to try to avoid trouble. We must also embrace the second half of Jesus’ promise: “Take heart, I have overcome the world”.
To “take heart” means to be bolstered up from the inside. To be strengthened within. To be warm-hearted. That is what was happening in my heart as I turned to God and exchanged my broken expectations for hope in Him.
Because Jesus is the Victor, I hold onto Him. He is the shepherd chasing after my prodigal child. It is Jesus who will comfort, restore, and wipe away tears from our eyes. He is the one who will bring all things together, and ensure that the knowledge of Him will fill the earth. It is ultimately our Master who will resurrect us and do away with death, and anguish forever.
Therefore, I do not give up hope, but put my trust in the fulfillment of that hope in Jesus himself. Won’t you join me in this?
“Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Is 40:31
Our hope must be in the Lord. Not in people, or a change in circumstances, or even ourselves.
Is there anything you feel “heartsick” about? Anything you are resentful towards God about in your past or current situation? Tell God about it – confess it before Him. Be willing to expose the causes of the pain – even your own false expectations, or wrong motives. Remind yourself of what God promised you.
If you can identify with the feelings in this article, here are some scriptures to meditate on:
We know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until the present time. Not only that, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved, but hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he can already see?
But if we hope for what we do not yet see, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Rm 8:22-27
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Rm 15:1
That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day. 2 Tim 1:12
Allow God to speak to you about areas of disappointment in your personal or ministry life. Take a walk or set aside a time to lament and cry out to Him. He will meet you there. Our prayers are with you!
*This blog was written by a guest author with many years of experience in the mission field. R.M.
Ever talk to yourself? Every once in a while, I accidentally find myself exclaiming something out loud. I suddenly notice what I meant to say silently in my mind has slipped out my lips. “Come on Anderson, do it right!” is one. Or I utter …
Though I was born in Nigeria, my passport says I am an American. I love my country. But I have never felt like a “real” American. Preparing for a trip back to the USA, someone asked me, “Are you going home next week?” That is …
Disruption releases innovation. We discover untried ways of serving God, of accomplishing His purposes. Do you maximize or resist the opportunities disruption or crisis brings?
Often, instead of embracing new things, we get stuck. We experience a nostalgic longing for the way things used to be.
Change is hard. Adapting to new situations requires a tremendous amount of energy. We grow weary, tired of the intense demand of constant change. This is particularly true as we age. Younger people tend to have a greater ability to adapt. They are more likely to see change as an adventure, as something interesting, rather than a burden.
Technology is a prime example. Youth seem to easily pick up and intuitively understand new applications and the ways technology works. The older we are the more difficult. How many grandparents hand their grandkids their phones and ask them to help? Change is not so easy and intuitive for those of us who are older.
Yet, we want our movements and ministries to grow. This will not happen unless we choose to lean-in to new pioneering and innovation. Problems in the world like the COVID-19 pandemic, political upheavals, and even natural disasters, are opportunities. Without the pressure of a crisis, we may never have considered doing things in new ways.
It could be a simple change, like needing to find my groceries in an unfamiliar store. Or it might be having to learn a new social media app. I confess I am often easily annoyed by change. “Why do they keep moving things around?” I grumble in frustration.
Recent years have brought many uninvited changes in our lives.
– Social distancing (was this even a word before the pandemic?)
– Restrictions on travel
– Many online meetings and even social events in Zoom or Teams
– Working from home much more
– New wars and conflicts causing disruption
– Technology updates that leave you feeling lost
The list goes on. Your changes may not be in the list above, but you’ve surely faced some. As we go through these challenges, it is easy to experience “adjustment fatigue.”
When you struggle with having to yet again adjust, how can you respond?
Make an intentional decision to welcome change. Ask God for grace to stop looking back at the past. Ask for His help to look to the future. As we do this, our Father releases creativity. We gain perspective. With God’s help, we can not only welcome new ideas, new people, and new ways of working, but we can actively celebrate and encourage them.
My parents have always been a tremendous example to me. They are now eighty-eight and eighty-seven. Healthy and mentally strong, they continue to live on their own, loving, and serving the community around them.
When my father was seventy, he decided to learn how to create websites. It was new technology, and far more difficult for him than for us who were younger. That didn’t stop him. He committed to embracing the new.
I saw my parents do this with their church as well. While others complained about the loud music of a younger generation, they tried hard to learn the new songs. They made a choice to embrace, welcome, and learn new things. I hope I can be like that when I’m in my eighties!
The challenges of missions today demand creative solutions.
Cynthia Anderson
The level of difficulty can feel overwhelming. Maybe we should “wait it out” and hope that things will get back to normal. No!!!
Could it be that God wants instead to force us out of our ministry “ruts”? That He would train us to think and work in completely new ways?
“And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost. New wine calls for new wineskins.”
Mark 2:22 NIV.
Innovation and pioneering are not optional in our rapidly changing world.
An innovation is a “new method, idea, or product” (Oxford Languages.) It is similar to the word inventor or invention. We experiment with something new.
The printing press was a new innovation that led to the printing of the Bible. This new way of giving people access to the Word of God brought great transformation and shaped church history.
When Loren Cunningham started taking youth on short-term mission trips, it was a new innovation in missions. Previously, all missionaries went long-term.
What new innovation might God give you to further His Kingdom in our time?
Pioneering has to do with starting new work in a new location. We think of pioneers as those who are willing to step out into the unknown, to take risks to establish something. Without actively pioneering into new locations, people groups, and spheres of society, we will not finish the task Jesus gave us.
It’s time for a new generation of courageous pioneers and mission innovators to rise! Without new innovation, we will stagnate. God has new solutions that will require us to be willing to change.
How do you encourage and inspire pioneering efforts or new innovation in your ministry?
Let me know in the comments below or on the Missionary Life Facebook Group.
This past weekend I went away for a quarterly retreat. This spiritual practice I’ve done for years keeps me grounded and abiding in Jesus. On this recent retreat, I read Rich Villodas’ new book The Narrow Path: How the Subversive Way of Jesus Satisfies Our …