Living faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the mission field
We all desire to be fruitful in the mission field. What does it take to live a fruitful life? Consider this (slightly foolish) story. The Foolish Goat Farmer A foolish farmer was struggling with her goats. Her flock was getting smaller and smaller. One after …
I lay awake at night thinking about some big bills, yet unpaid. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was overwhelmed by worry about money. There was a tightening in my stomach and a feeling of stress as I pondered. How would we pay …
I’ve always hated fish. Since I was a little girl, it was the one thing I really didn’t like to eat. My mom would serve it, but it remained on my plate. This wasn’t much of a problem until God called us to a people group that ate fish several times a day! Little fish, big fish, pickled fish, curried fish…fish, fish, fish! Arghh! What was I going to do? I knew God had called me to love this unreached group. Would they feel I loved them if I hated their favorite food? Loving people cross-culturally means learning to love the things they love.
I needed God’s help. I prayed, “God, you have to change my taste buds! Give me a love for fish. I am willing, but you have to do this. I can’t make myself like it.” I did my part, and God did His. Within a few weeks, to my amazement, when I ate fish with my new friends, it tasted okay. A few weeks later, I surprised myself by asking for a second helping of fish curry. It tasted delicious!
Some cultural adjustments are easier to make than others. For me, fish was hard. I needed a miracle. Other times, it’s a much simpler choice to enter into the culture where we serve. We choose to do uncomfortable things to enter their world and context. Jesus did this for us when He came to earth as a human. He ate our food, wore our clothes, suffered the same difficulties we do, and showed us a God of love. Evangelism starts with love.
People are 100 times more likely to listen to your message if they feel like you love them. Think about it. Do you listen more to the people you know like you? Don’t you tend to discard the input of those you know don’t enjoy being around you very much?
When we enter a culture intentionally, people interpret that as love. As we love the things they love, they open their hearts to us. It is much easier to influence people who know you love them than those who feel you are there to change them.
In practice, how do we love our neighbors from other cultures?
There are so many ways to show love. Just make sure that you are speaking their “love language” rather than your own!
You might be saying, “I’m not musical! I can’t even play an instrument from my own culture.” It’s the heart that counts, more than becoming an expert. Many cultures have simple instruments as well as more difficult ones. Find someone who knows how to play and ask them to give you some lessons. You don’t need to spend a lot of money. Start with a simple flute or drum.
It can be a form of cultural imperialism when we import our own music. We bring in guitars, electric pianos, and Western instruments. It says to them, “My music is superior to yours.” Valuing the cultural music of their land is the same as valuing them.
You may eventually end up using a combination of Western and local instruments in worship. But an interest in their instruments speaks of your love for their culture and ways. You’d be surprised how many bridges this builds into homes and hearts!
While it might be easier for me to bake brownies and give them to my Thai neighbor, that isn’t her love language. But if I make a traditional Thai dessert of bananas in coconut milk and give her that, she will feel much more loved!
Many local foods are not that hard to make. But don’t learn from a cookbook or recipe online! You build wonderful relationships with people as you ask them to teach you. It’s fun too! Even if you aren’t a good cook, people get excited that you like their food enough to want to make it yourself.
Again, the emphasis here isn’t on becoming an expert. It is wonderful if you can reach a stage of amazing fluency and have a perfect accent. It takes a lot of hard work and years of effort to get there though. Be patient with yourself if language learning is hard, but get started. Even being able to say a few words of greeting opens hearts.
There are many different ways to go about learning a language. Each person needs to choose the approach that works for them in their particular context. You may learn with a total immersion approach, or you may work at it a bit at a time. The important thing is to get started and be consistent in your efforts. Download my free resource at the end of this blog. Choose the language learning approach that is best for you!
You will need to speak the local language to communicate the gospel and make disciples. You also need it to communicate love!
Find out how the people in your new culture play. What do they do for fun? Where do they relax? How do they celebrate?
Join them in these things. Take part in a local football (soccer) club. Learn their easiest cultural dance. Walk in the early morning when they do. Hunt and fish with them (using their methods and tools). When we show up in the community and play in local ways with local people, they feel we have become a part of them. The likelihood that they will listen to your message increases exponentially.
Here’s an example of an easy Thai dance I learned a few years ago! And I’m not a dancer! If I can do it, you surely can too!
Many missionaries are afraid to take part in local festivals. This is due to the religious nature of these events. Don’t be afraid, be curious. Be a learner. Go along with your friends and ask questions. Observe. Try to understand what the festivals mean to them. Sometimes what you read in a book or online is different from the common meaning. If you read about Easter and its definition, you’d get one understanding. Join an American family observing that holiday, and your insights would be different.
If there are things you don’t feel comfortable doing, politely decline. Say, “I’m still learning and understanding. I’ll just watch this time.” They won’t be offended and will feel happy about your interest in them and their lives. You can participate with the community, without joining in the worship parts of most events.
Take a step forward toward loving people cross-culturally this week. Do one new thing to show love to those around you by loving what they love.
What is that one step you will take?
I’d love to hear about it in the comments or on the Missionary Life Facebook group. Post a picture there. Show us how you are loving people cross-culturally in your situation. Your step forward will inspire others!
We need to courageously and honestly take stock and realign ourselves to God’s missional purposes for our lives. Ministry jobs to do, and families to care for, are a given. If we want to live faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the mission field, however, we must daily choose to live a missional lifestyle. It isn’t automatic and it’s easy to drift from this path.
“Tradition! Tradition!” sang Tevye, in the classic musical Fiddler on the Roof. It’s one of my favorite old movies. The other day I found myself singing “Transition! Transition!” Can you hear the line from the movie’s theme song? It seems to be my missionary life …
Every time I meet him, I am encouraged and strengthened. He has the gift of affirmation and is specific in his praise. When I am with this leader, I feel believed in. I know he is for me, cheering for me as I pursue my God-given goals. Younger leaders (and even older ones) are desperate to find people who believe in them.
I’m not saying ignore weaknesses and growth areas. When you choose to speak hope and affirmation though, your words give life. A leader’s actions, as they show trust by giving responsibilities do too. Especially, when people aren’t quite ready to do those things with the skillfulness that you do them.
Living a fruitful life as a leader in God’s Kingdom, means learning to communicate that you believe in people.
I recently spoke with a mature leader. He is someone I’ve worked with for years. This brother called to share concerns about another person in the ministry. That person was quite clearly off-track in key things related to disciple making. My friend was concerned.
As I listened to him, I realized there were definitely things that needed correction and input. What I didn’t hear was a sense that he believed in this person. His influence in his life will be limited unless that changes. We can receive help and correction from those we feel believe in us.
A friend said in a recent discussion, “You can tell if people believe in you or not.” I am more willing to receive input from those I sense see my potential. How about you?
And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.
Matt 16:18 NIV.
Jesus believed in Peter and the others who followed Him. I’m not sure I would have. The fisherman called Simon was rough and slow to understand. With a loudmouth at times, he made grand declarations like, “You are the Christ” then turned around and denied the Lord. Not a super stable personality.
Seeing beyond who Peter was in the moment, Jesus saw who he would become. His words and affirmation to Peter were prophetic. The things He said, must have deeply shaped Peter’s life.
The words we speak to those we lead and train are powerful. It’s not uncommon for someone to repeat back to me something I said to them years ago. I’ve completely forgotten saying that, but my words had an impact. They shaped decisions for them and who they have become.
1) Ask God for eyes of faith to see who they are becoming, not only who they are.
This belief in people has to be authentic. You can’t pretend. They will sense that. This is why we must learn to see people as God does. Let the Lord give you an understanding of who He is making this person to be. Learn to partner with God in their spiritual development and formation.
2) Be generous with praise.
Look for the good in them and call it out. Some of us grew up in homes where we were never affirmed by our parents. Scolding was all we heard. Whatever we did was never enough. If we got a good grade, an A on a test, they wanted us to get an A+.
If that was your upbringing, you may find it hard to praise those you are training or leading. Grow past this. Be intentional in speaking praise.
Author, Ken Blanchard, wrote a book called “Catch People Doing Things Right.” It is a powerful way to inspire and motivate those you lead.
3) Correct in love and don’t address every issue you see.
I can tell when I’m being corrected in love. Somehow, we sense the person’s motivations. They come through voice and body language. Be sure that when you do address issues, you do it from a place of loving relationship and concern. Are they going to sense that you are correcting not because they are “wrong,” but because you want to help them fulfill their potential?
My personality is such that I easily see faults. I look at how someone is working in ministry and my strategic mind sees a dozen things that should be changed. Maturity and mistakes have taught me that I don’t need to correct every fault I notice!
That doesn’t mean I never give constructive input. It must be given with respect and love. Usually, I ask permission to share my view. Even better, I wait until they fail and ask for advice. Unsolicited input can destroy a relationship with someone you are mentoring. Be choosy in what you say to correct.
4) Remember that someone believed in you when you had many faults.
It is easy to forget about our weaknesses, past and present. You are who you are today because someone gave you a chance. They took a risk and believed in you. Be that person to someone else.
Who would God have you express affirmation to this week?
Let me know in the comments below or share your thoughts on Missionary Life’s Facebook group.
“Go away for a retreat? I couldn’t. There was so much to do. We were growing fast. Many new believers called every day. I was rapidly training leaders and yet never finished my work before falling into bed at night exhausted.” Busy leaders often fail …
Significance. It’s a human need. Sometimes even greater than food and shelter, our souls long for significance. We want our lives to make a difference…to count for something. People search for meaning in all kinds of unhealthy places. Fame, money, power, status…all promise to fill …
“Why can’t he be more reasonable? He always wants to make love! Doesn’t he know I’m exhausted from taking care of the kids all day and the demands of our ministry?” This was the frustrated expression of one missionary wife confiding in her closest friend. A missionary husband told his accountability partner, “She is always nagging about wanting to take the kids on a special holiday. We don’t have money to waste on that! We need to save our money for the annual missions conference we are supposed to go to. That is our top priority, not relaxing and doing nothing for a week up at the beach!” The desires and needs of husbands and wives are often quite different. Learning to value one another’s marriage desires is necessary for maintaining a healthy marriage. Doing a marriage desires exercise can help.
My husband and I haven’t always done well in this. There have been times when I thought his desires were unimportant. “If only he would want the right things, then I would take those desires seriously!” I thought. There was pride in my heart.
At times, he felt the same way toward me.
We have a tendency, as humans, to be selfish. It is our unredeemed nature. It is natural to think that what is important to us, is what is truly important. This doesn’t work well in family relationships.
In marriage, we must learn to hold one another’s desires (and needs) in high regard. What is important to our spouse needs to be important to us too. This is true even when those desires are radically different from our own. Undervaluing or disregarding our spouse’s desires is a pathway to marital strife. It doesn’t reflect Jesus. He loves His bride, the church. We too must show our love by valuing the desires of our spouse.
For years my husband dreamed about a camping trip through Northern California. Whenever he had free time, he watched YouTube videos about camper vans. I would walk into the room and there he would be…watching yet another description of some unique camper with all its little pop-up parts and cubicles. It was fascinating to him. For me, it was boring and a waste of time.
The thought of spending money on that kind of holiday felt ridiculous to me. If we ever had money to spend on a holiday, we should go to the beach and stay in a nice hotel. That would be so much more relaxing!
From time to time, my hubby would bring up the idea of a camping trip. I always quickly dismissed it. “That’s not in our budget!” I would declare. Lots of other things made it into the budget though…things that were important to me. Like doing further studies. Or ministry needs. But definitely not a camping trip…that was not important.
The truth is, it wasn’t important to me. But it was definitely important to my husband.
This was not a need in our lives. It was, however, a long-held desire in my beloved’s heart.
Some years ago, we went through a very difficult time in our marriage. During that time, one of the important lessons we learned was to value one another’s desires. What is important to my husband needs to be important to me. Sometimes I had so disregarded my husband’s desires that he didn’t even mention them anymore.
He already knew I wouldn’t value those things. This was not good for our marriage or his health and well-being either. He needed the freedom to dream, to want certain things. He needed to know I would value those desires and do all I could to make those things happen for him. I needed that from him as well.
A few years ago, we took that camping trip. Being out in nature was beautiful and fun. Though it still wouldn’t have been my choice of how to spend our vacation, I was delighted to do something that made my hubby so happy. I had come to a place where his dreams and desires were truly important for me to see fulfilled.
“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4 NIV
Our marriages are to be a reflection of the relationship of Christ and the church. As we delight in Jesus, as we seek to honor and love Him, He delights in fulfilling our dreams. Our “wants” matter to Him. God is an incredibly good God who loves to give us the things we deeply desire.
One thing that has helped my husband and I grow in this area has been to regularly do a Desires Exercise. We learned this during the marriage counseling we went through during our “rough patch.”
This doesn’t need to take a long time to do. Even ten or fifteen minutes can be enough. We often do this at the beginning of the day or week.
Don’t respond or react to the other person’s desire. Just listen. Hear them well. Give your spouse a chance to say what they want. Then acknowledge that as something valuable. You may even want to make notes so you can pay careful attention to your spouse’s desires.
Here is an example of a Marriage Desires Exercise.
Husband: What do you want?
Wife: I want to relax. I am really tired of being so busy. What do you want?
Husband: I want to work on my computer. What do you want?
Wife: I want you to help me with the laundry. What do you want?
Husband: I want to eat momos tonight. What do you want?
Wife: I want to go out for dinner. I am tired of cooking all week. What do you want?
Husband: I’d like to make love. It’s been a long time since we have been intimate. What do you want?
Wife: I want you to play with the kids. You’ve been so busy and they are missing you. What do you want?
You get the idea. Keep going back and forth until nothing more comes into your mind when asked the question, “What do you want?” Don’t just say, “I don’t want anything.” That is a common temptation, especially when we feel our desires will not be valued.
After doing this marriage desires exercise, have a short discussion about what was expressed. Thank the other person for being willing to be honest and share their desires. Tell them that you value those things and want to find ways to make those things possible.
You may not be able to fulfill your spouse’s every desire. But you can give the gift of valuing those things. You can pray and ask God to help you find a way to hold those desires in high regard. God is completely ready to come alongside you as you do all you can to be a blessing to your spouse. Many things that will be expressed will be within your power to give. But first, you have to value them.
One thing our marriage counselor told us has really stuck with me through the years. “If it is important to him, it is important to you.” This simple shift in my thinking has brought a lot of change to our marriage. I stopped judging my husband’s desires. That wasn’t my job. My job was to value and cherish those desires. He changed as well. My desires and dreams took on much greater value for him too.
Do you know what your spouse wants?
When is the last time you asked them and truly listened? Take time this week to do a Desires Exercise. You may learn something new about your most important partner and friend. Demonstrate your love by valuing what they value. In doing so, you will be growing more like Jesus.
It’s been said that the only constant in the life of a missionary is constant change. Transition. Probably true for most people, not only missionaries though we do have a higher degree of change to deal with. It begs the question – how do we approach our continual transitions with grace? We need to look for the hidden treasures of our transition seasons.