The Challenge and Privilege of Being a Missionary Father

Pretending to ride a horse on his back, traveling on motorcycles to distant villages and sharing the good news of Jesus with others…these are a few of my memories of dad. The love, affirmation, and acceptance of our fathers is a powerful force in our lives. It’s not easy, as missionary dads, to make time to focus on your kids. Ministry demands are constant. If God has blessed you with children, the most important people you must disciple, are the ones God has placed in your own home.

My father, Jerry Falley, was not a perfect missionary dad. He did some things really well. He also had a few weak areas. One thing he did very successfully, though, was impart to me a love for God and a love for the lost. He pulled me into his passion and life by taking me on trips with him. He made time for me. His affirmation, still today, means the world to me. No one can speak life and hope into a child’s life like their daddy.

God designed it this way. Earthly fathers are to model and replicate Father God’s love. There is a hole in the heart of every human being that longs for a father’s affirmation…their unconditional acceptance. It’s a God-sized hole that only the Heavenly Father can truly fill. Earthly fathers, especially missionary dads, though, are called to be a bridge for their children to receive God’s love.

A Scary Proposal

One of my favorite funny memories with my dad was from our time in Liberia.

There was a village area outside of the capital city of Monrovia that dad had on his heart to reach. He purchased a special motorcycle with large tires for trail riding. He built a raft out of barrels so he could take the bike across a river to get to the trail that led to the village. A few times a month (I don’t remember exactly how often), dad visited that area to share the gospel. He was looking for ways to plant a church there. He often took me along.

It was a grand adventure for an 11-year-old! Riding on a motorbike behind my dad, holding on for dear life, crossing rivers on a raft…who could a tom-boy like me want more?

Until the day my father was about to give me to an old African chief as a wife!

A Diplomatic Answer

We were visiting an interior village. The old man who served as chief had his eye on me. He already had several wives and kids. I could see them gathered around him. Then, suddenly, to my chagrin, he asked my father if I was available!

My dad gave a very diplomatic response. It made me ready to jump on the motorbike and take off for home! To my surprise and horror, I heard my father say to him, “She would make a very good wife.”

“Dad! What are you doing???” I thought to myself. My eyes widened as I tried to restrain myself from crying out in protest!

I learned that day how to answer wisely in a cross-cultural situation. I watched my dad expertly and gracefully navigate that proposal with grace. I’m not sure how serious the chief really was, but it sure did make an impression on me that is vivid in my memory still today!

An even greater impression was made by the trips with him. Daddy loved lost people enough to make sacrifices to get to them. Daddy also loved me and wanted to share his favorite activity (sharing the gospel) with me.

I am deeply grateful I had a father who made time for me, affirmed me and allowed me to be a part of his ministry life. Much of who I am today in missions is because of the wonderful example and mentoring of my father, Jerry Falley

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

1 John 3:1

Four Tips for Missionary Fathers

1. Be generous with your affirmation and slow to criticize.

Children read their parents to find out who they are. “Am I okay? Am I acceptable and worthy?” These questions are being asked in the hearts of children, even from birth.

Elijah House Ministries has some excellent teaching on what is called “Basic Trust.” Parents, especially fathers, play a major role in establishing this within a child. Their sense of security and well-being comes from being loved, held, and affirmed by their parents.

As a dad, your words hold great power. As do your lack of words. Be quick to speak out words of affirmation when you catch your child doing something well. Tell them often that you love them and are proud of them. And be careful about criticism.

While you may feel you do need to bring correction at times, don’t be harsh in how you talk to your children. Instead, exercise restraint and gentleness in what you say and how you say it.

2. Make time for your kids, disciple them well.

At the end of your life, it will be your children who will still be there to care for you. Don’t neglect your physical children to give attention to your spiritual children. Prioritize your own children and make time for them. Take time to listen to them, to play with them, to pay attention to what is going on in their lives. If you disciple your children well, they will be a joy to you when you are old. If you neglect them, you will pay for it later.

3. Grant them greater access to you than others have.

Do your children have access to you? Can they get your attention when they need to? Or are they always told to wait until you finish with other ministry commitments?

It is vital that missionary children feel valued by their parents. One of the ways they will feel important to you is if they know they have “special access” to you that others don’t. You take their calls on the phone before others. You put other people “on hold” to hear their requests…even if it is a simple, “Daddy, can I watch TV now?”

When my dad was the chairman of the missions department at a Christian University in the USA, he was a very busy man.  I knew that I could walk into his office and talk to him without an appointment. That meant a lot to me. He gave me access.

4. Invite them into your passion and life.

As a missionary father, you are most likely pretty passionate about what you do. Let your kids be included in that rather than sidelined by it. They will catch your passion, as I did, from my father.

Love Intentionally

You don’t need to be a perfect dad. Just love your kids well. Love them purposefully. Be that bridge to their experiencing the love of God.

If you aren’t a father today, or if you didn’t have a very good dad, allow God to meet you there. Let Him be to you the perfect Father. Let Him heal the orphan spirit within you and bring you to a place of wholeness in Him. There is nothing He would rather do on Father’s day.

How did your dad influence you toward God’s heart for the lost? Or mentor you? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or on the Missionary Life Facebook group.