Healthy Singleness
“I want to get married,” she said. Her eyes were sad. In her culture, unless she was a wife and mother, she was a non-person. Many women in Asia don’t even use their names. They are “John’s mother” or “Raju’s mother.” Their own name has little meaning apart from their son. This is so far from the gospel! It is something Jesus came to set us free from.
Living a life of wholeness as a single is not easy. Loneliness and fear of a future alone can plague us. Temptations and the pressure to marry are at times intense. Family, co-workers, and even well-meaning supporters wonder why we haven’t yet found someone. It gets tiresome to go to weddings and church events and constantly be asked “When will you get married? Have you found someone yet?”
Singleness on the mission field holds challenges. Many societies will not acknowledge you as someone of status as a single. They may wonder if something is wrong with you or lovingly try to find you a spouse. Christianity Today reported that singleness is the fourth greatest reason why candidate missionaries don’t make it to the field. It is also a common reason why many leave.
Yet singleness is a valid biblical option and not to be scorned. Instead, singles who are emotionally healthy demonstrate godliness in unique and important ways. Learn to minister out of your healthy singleness. It is an important testimony to those around you.
A Desperately Needed Gift
Peter Scazzero writes about this in his excellent article, Lead Out of Your Singleness. “An increasing number of leaders in the body of Christ are single. That is a wonderful gift desperately needed in the church today. Daniel, Jeremiah, Jesus, Anna the prophetess, John the Baptist, and Paul were all single. They each bore rich fruit for God.”
Singles who embrace this gift and devote themselves to God, reflect the truth that God is enough. Our value is not in our marital status but in our relationship with Him.
Paul wrote in Phil. 4:11, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” This included his singleness.
Hold Your Head High
Resist the temptation to absorb the world’s values. In the Kingdom of God, singles are highly regarded. They are not second class citizens who need to hang their heads.
If you are married, do all you can to affirm those around you who are single. Embrace them as persons of worth and include them as friends. Be careful not to exclude them from family-oriented events and don’t constantly talk about your kids all the time. Don’t assume that because they are single, they would make good babysitters. Pray for them and be sensitive to their needs.
As a single there are some things you can not do. Don’t focus on them. Give attention to the many things you are free to do. Do those with all your heart.
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
1 Cor. 7:8 NIV.
This verse says “it is good.” Singleness can be a good and healthy thing! Paul found it to be so and was then able to devote himself to Jesus and the ministry with greater focus. Don’t allow yourself or anyone to tell you it is not good to be single if that is your circumstance. God makes all things good in our lives as we surrender to Him.
I am blessed to have many close friends who are single. They are amazing people who have deeply blessed my life. They have rich lives of faith and are impacting nations.
Out of your singleness, demonstrate the Kingdom of God. If you are married, do the same. Next week I’ll write more about marriage and how we can minister out of a healthy marriage.
What biblical or historical leaders were single? What do you most admire about them?