When I’m Not Where I Want to Be – Life in Exile
My husband stopped counting. Not me. This was the seventh time we’d rebooked our flights. I felt angry and a bit depressed. Would we never get to return home? Living in exile isn’t easy. Whether physical or other, I often find myself not quite where I long to be. God is training me and I’m growing in the practice (discipline) of godly contentment in all circumstances.
God allows seasons of exile in our lives. They are not easy. Yet His grace is available for us each day as we yield in surrender. The key to living in exile well is yieldedness.
Caught in the Travel Bans
Like many missionaries across the globe, my husband and I were caught in the COVID 19 travel bans. We had gone to Brazil for meetings. After that, we were thinking to stop for a month in our home country to see family. We went to the USA from Brazil. During those few weeks, our country of residence, Thailand, closed its borders. We could not go home. Month after month passed. We booked and rebooked tickets. Each time we did, discontentment and anger grew inside.
Feelings of frustration can drown out joy.
There were countless blessings in my life. Yet my heart was discontent. How would I find the grace to adjust my heart to my circumstances? I was not where I wanted to be! Yet, I was powerless to change my situation.
I needed to yield to God’s soveriegn control in order to receive His grace. Would I be willing to do that?
I’ll be honest. The struggle was real. I didn’t want to let go. I prefer, as most of us do, to be in control of my life. I like to chose where I go, and when I go there. I can’t do that during this season.
Yielding and Surrender
One morning in prayer, I knew what I needed to do. I had to let go and yield to Him. I needed to stop trying to be in charge of where I live. God is the one who called me to the unreached in Asia, He is the One who will open the door for my return, in His time.
As I gave up control, praying a simple prayer, I released my time and my location, into His hands. Peace began to seep into my troubled soul. It is a good thing to yield your life to a good God.
In surrender, I found grace to live in my exile, to live fully, with joy and hope.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Phil. 4:11-13 NIV.
3 Areas We Can Feel Exiled
1) Physical Exile
Be it visa challenges, or travel restrictions due to the pandemic, as missionaries, we face difficulty in this area.
Governments don’t issue visas, though our paperwork is in order and applications filled out on time. New restrictions are placed on us, or immigration laws change suddenly. We thought we understood what we needed to do, but find we didn’t fulfill new and mysterious requirements. Sound familiar?
Physical exile is a common theme in scripture. The Jews were exiled for 400 years. That is a long time!
2) Spiritual Exile
There are many ways we can feel spiritually exiled. We are not where we want to be in our walk with God. You may have areas of sin or weakness you have struggled with for years. You wonder when God will show up and take this thing from you. When will he finally change and transform you?
Perhaps you feel distance in your relationship with God. You go through your normal Bible reading and prayer, but there is dryness. It seems like the Father rarely speaks to you anymore. There is a deadness or sense of going through the motions. You aren’t where you want to be.
3) Relational Exile
One of the most painful things in life is when a relationship is strained or broken with one we love. Be it a family member, colleague, or friend, when there is distance in a relationship, it hurts.
It could be your marriage. You’ve noticed a growing distance. Where there had been loving and intimacy, you now feel walls and even disdain. You aren’t even sure if your husband or wife loves you anymore. You know you need to work on your marriage but it feels hopeless. “Who has time for that in the midst of a busy ministry?” You wonder. “We’ll be okay,” you think. In your heart of hearts though, you ache for something better.
Relational distance hurts. Whether with children, friends, colleagues, or those you are discipling, the pain is very real.
Yield Means Letting Go of Control
It is not easy, but the way to find peace comes in our daily yielding of these areas to God. We intentionally let go and give it to God. We give Him our pain and choose to accept His will. A friend of mine calls it “radical acceptance.”
It’s a practice not a one time event.
A Prayer of Yielding
Would you pray with me today?
Jesus, I don’t like being in exile. This is not where I want to be. Today I choose to let go. Be in charge of this aspect of my life. I give you control of my location, my spiritual transformation, my relationship with you, and my relationships with others. I acknowledge Your goodness and love for me. I’m going to let You be in charge. I yield myself to You today. Please give me the grace I need for this moment. Thank you, Lord. Amen.
If this article was helpful to you, share it with a friend. Leave a comment below or on the Missionary Life Facebook page. We love your feedback!