Living faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the mission field
Some flavors go together well. Others just don’t. Like lemongrass and coconut milk in Thai food. They complement each other and are delicious. Or palm butter and rice. Yum! But when you put minced chicken with ice cream it just doesn’t work, right? My husband …
Sabbath is a day for rest and intake. I try to do things that will refresh and renew my soul. One of these for me is listening to audiobooks. Recently, I’ve been listening to a book called More of God by R.T.Kendall. Something struck me …
A beautiful story is told in the movie Fly Away Home. It is about a young girl who raises a flock of geese. She is there when the goslings hatch. Thinking she is their mother, the growing birds follow her around everywhere she goes.
This film demonstrates what is called imprinting. Whatever an animal is exposed to, in the first days of its life, it bonds with. The animal will mimic its substitute “mother” and draw all social cues from them. If a kitten is cared for by a cat, it will learn to act like a cat. But if a kitten is cared for by a dog, it will begin to act like a dog, even though it is a cat. This is a strange but real phenomenon that creates interesting scenarios!
So how do these concepts apply to the cross-cultural missionary?
Who we are nurtured by, and how we enter our new culture is very important.
Tom and Elizabeth Brewster introduced this concept in the missions world years ago. They developed in a book they wrote called, Bonding and the Missionary Task.
Their theory is still well worth paying attention to.
The Brewsters taught that a missionary bonds to the people they spend the most time with when entering the mission field. In their book, they encouraged cross-cultural workers to create emotional ties with nationals rather than other foreigners. This is especially vital in the weeks and months when you first arrive in a new culture.
I’ve experienced the power of the bonding principle in my own life. Awareness and application of this concept give new missionaries a powerful head-start. It moves you quickly toward greater effectiveness in your missionary endeavors.
We arrived in Nepal in 1991, brand new missionaries. It was so exciting to be there, the land of our calling. We had prepared as much as we could. But nothing could fully prepare us for such a new and different culture and way of life.
Before arrival, we requested our leaders to find a host family for us to stay with. About a week after we landed in Kathmandu, we moved into a simple rented room next to the room of our hosts. We shared all our meals with them and their two boys.
The room was simple, with unpainted cement walls. We slept on a mattress on the floor. Our only furniture was a mooda (a short Nepali woven stool) and a bamboo floor mat. It was fun and hard- all at the same time. But we learned so much about Nepalese life and culture!
We jumped straight into immersion-style language learning. Our language progressed rapidly. It was a huge adventure, but also a tough one!
When our six-week stay with the family was over, we breathed a sigh of relief and ate a big plate full of toast. It was so good to eat something different from rice, lentils, and curry!
That initial time of bonding with Nepalese people was vitally important. The insights we gained, and the relationships built, carried us forward in our missionary journey.
Jesus is our great example of missionary entry. He was born as a baby and took on human likeness. He was completely dependent on Mary and Joseph for help, though He was God incarnate.
“He made himself nothing, by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Phil. 2:7 NIV.
Placing yourself, like Jesus did, into a new culture as a dependent “infant” isn’t easy. We must lay down power and become like a child, relying on local people for our needs to be met.
As we follow Christ’s example of a humble entry into a new culture, we can understand local people better. We also demonstrate Christ to them in far greater ways.
Are you convinced? Do you want to be proactive about bonding with your new culture well? Here are some suggestions that will help you have a successful entry experience.
Learn all you can about your new place and culture before arrival. Read books, watch videos, and talk to others who have lived and worked there before. Be a student of the people and place, even before you arrive. Begin to also prepare yourself mentally for the sacrifices you will need to be ready to make. You will need to be prepared for some major adjustments in food, comforts, and habits.
Don’t ease into it, or try to “get set up first,” then start language study. If at all possible, arrange a place to stay that will not require you to “set up your house” for the first weeks and months.
That can come later after the initial bonding period is completed.
Determine which language study method you will use (see my e-book about this) prior to arriving. Then you can start immediately.
Recognize that you are in a very critical bonding time. It is a season. This is not forever. Eventually, you will need relationships with people from your own culture too. But for now, restrict your engagement with other foreigners.
At all costs, avoid bonding primarily with other Koreans, Brazilians, or Americans to get your needs met. Instead, be intentional about looking to local people to help you.
Do you need someone to take you to the doctor? Ask a local friend to show you how to navigate the system at the hospital. Need to buy stamps and mail a package, ask a local person to help you understand how the post office works.
This can be difficult when your language is limited, and it’s not a hard-fast rule. Asking for help from indigenous people will help you become a part of their community.
There is great value in staying with a family who is from the culture you are now living in. Staying in their home and being with them 24-7 will give you valuable insights into their way of life.
There are some good articles available on how to choose a good host family if you decide to pursue this.
Even with imprinting, a dog might act like a cat, but it will never actually become a cat. That is impossible! Neither will you ever fully become an Uzbek, Nepali, or a Fulani. Initial cultural bonding will help you be much more a part of them than you would be otherwise! You will learn how to act like them, speak like them, eat like them. These cultural bridges will greatly help when you have enough language ability to begin sharing the gospel. They will jump-start your success as a missionary.
Are you already working cross-culturally? Perhaps you didn’t do what I described above. What could you do this week to make yourself more dependent on local people?
Not yet on the field? If you are preparing for entry, what questions do you have about preparing to culturally bond?
Let me know in the comments below or on the Missionary Life Facebook Page.
It is so easy to walk right past people, to not even notice them. I almost did that yesterday. He was standing out in front of his food stall. Looking for customers. About fifty years old, balding, and with a roundish figure to match his …
We sang the translated song with its complicated chords and transitions. The words were Nepali, but the tune (loi) was not at all Nepali in style. “Prabhu ouchalchu tapaiko nao” (Lord, I lift your name on high)…we sang. The first part isn’t so hard, though …
Our world is increasingly noisy. I’m not talking about the traffic noise we became used to when living in India. Nor the barking dogs and blaring puja chanting…though that was there too. I’m referring to the noise inside our heads. Finding silence is not easy. When we finally can escape external noise, our inner thoughts increase in volume.
Sometimes I find myself saying things like, “Why didn’t I get that done yesterday? I should have worked harder. So and so was distant to me, I bet they don’t like me. Why did I wear that outfit yesterday, I looked ridiculous. Was my message boring? That lady on the front row seemed sleepy….”
Maybe these aren’t the things your inner voice says. I’m pretty sure, though, that it says something the moment you stop and sit still before the Lord. Am I right? We have to learn, not only to remove external noise but to shut down our inner voices too.
The practice of silence and solitude is essential to our relationship with God. Unless we quiet the voices screaming in our head, we will not hear our Master speak. Oh, how we need His voice! His conviction leads us to repentance. His direction leads us to fruitful, meaningful ministry.
We were on a retreat. “Go outside and find a quiet place to sit,” they said. “Try to be quiet before God. Don’t pray. Don’t read your Bible. Just be still.” It sounded easy. It was not.
Finding the quiet bench in the garden of the Catholic retreat center where we had gathered…was not so hard. But I was so accustomed to talking to God. I’d not learned to be silent. Or at least not very well.
I set a timer on my watch. I was going to do this for five minutes.
Concentrating, when my inner voices began to speak, I pushed them away and focused on my breathing. In…out. In…out. Looking at my watch I thought the five minutes must be over. Nope. Only 42 seconds had passed.
Practicing silence is a discipline. It takes time to learn and grow in this habit. Well worth the work to learn, it can bear great fruit in our lives. Silence is essential to the development of our inner life.
Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.
So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
1 Kings 19:11-13 NKJV.
I’ve sometimes wondered why it’s possible for Christians, who love God, read their Bibles daily, and go to church, to get so off track. Why do ministers and leaders fall into sin? How are we so easily deceived?
Part of the reason is we don’t take time to be still and silent before God. We are so busy working for Him. There is no space for His Spirit to convict. We do not give room for Him to shine His light on our hearts. This is not only unhealthy, but it is also dangerous.
Daily repentance, cleansing the soul before the Lord, is as essential as brushing your teeth and washing your face.
We live in a broken world and are surrounded by wounded people. Inevitably, we get bumped and bruised as we make our way through life. God wants to heal these wounds. Some are surficial and some go deep. Childhood pain also makes us stuck. We can’t move forward until God touches and ministers to those things in our lives.
I often find myself avoiding silence when I’m in pain. I don’t want to feel what’s going on inside my heart. I’d rather suppress and avoid it.
That habit; working more, and distracting myself with things like TV or social media, never leads to healing. Honestly, nor does praying. I need silence. To sit before the Lord and allow Him to come into that place of pain and touch me. Silence is where that happens.
In John 15, Jesus said, “Abide in me and you’ll bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing.” Silence is part of abiding. It’s just being with God, without words. Silence gives God a chance to guide us. Are we on the right path? Are our priorities in alignment with His for the day?
Regularly, when I am silent, God reveals answers to me. Solutions I never could have found, apart from that time of stillness before Him, rise to the surface.
Our hearts were not made for 24-7 noise. Yet the moment we awake, the radio or TV goes on. The noise in our world is relentless. Psalm 23 says, “He leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” The quiet, the stillness, it renews us. Are you weary? Come to Him and rest. Don’t pray. Don’t work. Don’t read. Just rest before Him and let Him touch your tired soul.
Start small. Don’t think you need to begin with 20 minutes in silence. Start with two or three minutes each day. Then add to that.
This week, would you take 3 to 5 minutes each day and be silent before the Lord? No praying. Quiet your own inner voice and simply be there with God.
Let us know how it goes on the Missionary Life Facebook group, or in the comments below.
Some relationships are just plain difficult. No matter what you do, it feels like lose/lose. This is particularly painful when those relationships are with the people you came to serve. Navigating cross-cultural relationships can be a rough road. How do we do it well? It …
Something we often pray for is a spiritual harvest. Have you ever taken in a physical harvest? If not, you may miss what harvesting involves. Again he said, “What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to …
Moses wrote of himself in the book of Numbers, “Moses was the most humble man on the face of the earth.” Has that ever struck you as strange? Humility is not an unwillingness to acknowledge one’s strengths. It is knowing both positive and negative areas, being honest about them, relaxed in who you are, and able to continually learn from others.
Humble leaders don’t pretend they are more than they are. Nor do they pretend they are less. They are real, genuine, honest, and constantly learning from those around them.
Some years ago, Jim Collins wrote a best selling book called Good to Great. He did extensive research on the most successful companies in the world. What were the characteristics of the type of leaders who took their companies from good companies to great ones?
At the top of the list was humility. It’s not surprising that his findings aligned with scripture. Even in the business world, humility is a vital characteristic of effective leaders.
This is counter to our natural way of thinking. We think of power, decision-making ability, and charisma as important in a leader. We can think of strength as being much more important than humility. This, however, is not what enables us to be fruitful in Kingdom work.
The most fruitful leaders in missions, those whom God uses most greatly, are those who embrace a life of genuine humility.
I was taking a class at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. My professor was Sherwood Lingenfelter, the Provost of the seminary. A brilliant man, author of several insightful books, and holding many degrees, I was excited to hear him. Taking notes and listening carefully to his lectures, I gained much from his content.
What I remember most, however, was an incident when he displayed incredible humility. This aspect of his character affected me far more than what he taught us.
There was a student in class who disagreed strongly with what Professor Lingenfelter was teaching. As is sometimes the case, instead of respectfully asking questions, my classmate forcefully asserted his opinion.
The humility with which my professor responded surprised me. I had been living in Asia for many years now. What my classmate was doing was not at all appropriate in the context I had grown accustomed to. In Asia, a student must never contradict and argue with a professor. This is dishonoring and shameful.
Even in my Western context, it seemed inappropriate. “Who did this fellow student think they were talking to him like that?” I thought. I expected Professor Lingenfelter to put him in his place. In some ways, I wanted him to. This student’s pride needed to be taken down a knotch.
That did not happen. Instead, Lingenfelter listened carefully. He gave him space to fully share his thoughts. My professor took notes and asked him a clarifying question. He thanked him for sharing his viewpoint.
No reaction. No defensiveness. Openness, willingness to listen, and learn from his student. Wow. Humility was on grand display. I remember it like it was yesterday. Since that day, I’ve tried to follow my professor as he followed Christ. I continue to pray that I will be as humble and open to learning from those who disagree with me as he was that day. It is not easy. I’m still working on it.
“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,”
Philippians 2:5 NASB
Missionaries and ministers can unknowingly adopt a “Savior complex.” This is particularly an issue for short-term missionaries. Those who haven’t had the pain of cultural shock, language learning, and financial struggles take the edge off of pride. We go to the poor, the unreached, or whoever our mission is among, thinking we are there to “save them.” We have a message to teach these poor souls. Coming from a position of power, money, and knowledge, we try to “help.”
It smacks of colonialism and is the ugly side of short-term missions! Instead, we must go as learners. We go to listen, to observe, and to understand, before we bring our message. Humility demonstrates the gospel message more clearly than many of the things we do in His name.
Many are unwilling to invest a few hours to study, research, and learn about the people group they want to reach. We may have some short-lived impact. The humble worker who takes a posture of learning from the people will see the greatest long-term impact.
We can forget that the message we share includes a cross. Jesus experienced the shame of crucifixion. He humbled himself to the point of death. We too must share His message from a place of humility and great love.
When you enter into debate and argument with unbelievers, you have already lost. Instead, ask genuine questions. Try to understand the viewpoint of those you are sharing with. Why do they believe what they do? Hold their religious viewpoints in high esteem. These things are precious to them and not to be attacked.
We often allow our cultural biases to impact how we lead. In cross-cultural teams, the leader’s culture must not dominate. This takes intentionality. Is your culture time or event-oriented? Will you insist on team members arriving on time, because this is your cultural way of doing things? Do you elevate those who have the same cultural values and worldview as you do?
Humility allows others’ preferences to dominate, not one’s own.
This is tough. We tend to react when people disagree with us about something we are convinced of. Our insecurity and pride raise their ugly heads. Humility listens with an open heart. It seeks to understand and empathize with the person who disagrees.
Youthfulness carries a certain pride. Lack of experience and time to encounter failure can cause younger leaders to think they know better than older leaders around them. The same is true of those who are older. We can think we know far more than our younger colleagues. After all, we have been doing this work for far more years! New ideas are needed. Young leaders must be given space to contribute and innovate while showing humility and honor for those who have gone before them.
You have the right to humbly but firmly say no when healthy boundaries are crossed. We must learn to do this with grace. Humble leaders are not pushovers. Instead, they can set and defend healthy boundaries so their personal and family needs are protected.
Great leaders have strong opinions but they hold them with open hearts. They are willing to change their opinion if confronted with new information. They are not spineless, tossed to and fro by whoever they happen to be with. Instead, they form opinions, express them clearly, and adapt as they learn. It takes far greater humility to change your view and admit you were wrong, than to stick to your ill-informed viewpoint.
Self-deprecation (putting yourself down) is not humility. Sometimes we do that to seek out compliments from others. “I’m not very good at this,” we say. We hope someone present will disagree with us and tell us how talented we are. This is not humility but insecurity. Know your value. Don’t be afraid to walk in it with your head held high. You are a child of the King.
Humility transforms a good leader into a great leader, a fruitful person into someone who sees unparalleled growth through their work.
What biblical or current example of a humble leader has impacted you most?
I’d love to hear about it in the comments below or on the Missionary Life Facebook Group.
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