Don’t Suppress Emotions- It Will Make You Depressed!

“Suck it up!” My basketball coach used to tell me that when I was acting tired during our practice drills. “No pain, no gain!” In many ways, we are taught to ignore pain and push through it. I’m not saying there isn’t a place for deep determination and perseverance on the mission field! There is! But that is different from suppressing our emotions and acting like we don’t feel the pain.

A Helpful Tool To Avoid Missionary Depression

I want to introduce you to an extremely helpful tool. This simple exercise has done wonders for my emotional health on the mission field. Suppressed emotions will make you sick- physically and emotionally. If you are sick, you have little ability to help others around you. Don’t “suck it up” and try to be tough, pretending you are okay when you are not. Be real and get those emotions out.

Doing an “Emotional Jug” to Jesus, with your spouse, or close friend can make a world of difference!

Why I Know This Tool Works

When I say that emotional suppression can make you depressed, I mean it. I wish I could say that I had read that on the internet or in some counseling book and that was how I learned about this. But, no, that wouldn’t be true. I learned it the hard way, through personal experience with missionary depression.

Some years ago, I went through what might be called a “perfect storm.” Situation after situation led to emotional depletion. One crisis was followed by another crisis in our work and ministry. A series of disappointments, discouragement, and betrayals took a tremendous amount of energy.

Then, a visiting pastor from our home church became deathly sick. We worked day and night to arrange for her medical evacuation.

This took a lot out of me but I felt I had to “soldier on.” People were depending on me. I was a leader. After resting a day or two I carried on doing my work. I had no idea that a serious case of missionary depression was threatening.

Numbness Set In

I started to notice that I didn’t really have any feelings anymore. There was more of a sense of dullness inside. Depression was beginning to take hold of me, though I didn’t recognize it. When my depression became serious, I sought treatment and professional help. Over several months, I had to work hard to get in touch with what I was feeling inside. I had shut those emotions off to be able to cope.

Part of what helped me heal was learning the tool I want to introduce here. It’s called an Emotional Jug. I wish I had known before how to use this simple tool. It would have saved my family and I a lot of pain. The long-term consequences of full-blown depression are significant. It took many years on medication to fully recover.

A major cause of missionary depression is that we don’t know how to properly deal with our emotions. We must learn how to acknowledge them to ourselves, to God, and to those we are closest to.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” Proverbs 13:12

How To Do An Emotional Jug

When we face grief, disappointment, betrayal, and loss, we must make space in our lives to “feel.” Otherwise, we are at risk.

This simple tool isn’t complicated, but it makes an important difference. It is called an “Emotional Jug.” My therapist heard about this from an organization called P.A.I.R.s.

Often I write the answers to these questions out in my journal. I express these things to Jesus. But sometimes I do it with my husband as well. Both are helpful. If you are doing it with your spouse or a friend, this is what you do.

Friend asks: What are you mad about?
You respond: I am mad because….
Friend asks: What else are you mad about?
You respond: I am also mad about this…
Continue to say anything that comes to your mind. Even if you might be only slightly angry or irritated about it.

The other person doesn’t reply or try to fix you or explain anything. They simply listen and continue to ask you the same question until there is nothing else you can think of.
The friend then asks: What are you sad about?
You respond: I feel sad because….
Again, you continue with as many things as you can think of. The other person just keeps asking and listening.

You do the same with the questions; what are you scared about? And then finally, they ask what are you glad about?

At the end, the friend or spouse thanks the person speaking for being willing to share what is going on inside of them. If need be, at that point you can switch roles. Now you can ask your friend the same 4 questions. You be the listener.

When finished, pray together asking God for wisdom and strength. Request His help as you process these difficult feelings you’ve shared with each other.

It Is Simple!

Simple right? It really is! Mad, sad, scared and glad. These 4 primary emotions tell us a lot about what is going on inside!

Don’t be surprised if when you first start doing this with someone or in your journal, it takes awhile. Many times we have become numb to what we are feeling. But if you give it a little time and are patient, some minor things will come to your mind. Then, slowly, the deeper feelings will surface.

Try An Emotional Jug Today!

Why not try doing this exercise with someone today? It only takes about 20 minutes and can seriously help!

You might not be depressed or anxious. That is great! Then you will have a lot of things to say you are glad about. But you might be surprised at what comes out as well.

Missionary depression is much more common than you would think. We face a lot of difficult disappointments, traumas, and losses on the mission field. You don’t need to become unhealthy. There are skills and tools you can learn like this one. They help us live fulfilling and wonderful lives on the field, in spite of the intense challenges.

I did an emotional jug today! It helped! Why don’t you do one too? Let me know how it went and if you liked this tool or not!

For more information about how to do an Emotional Jug, and for other helpful resources see the Pairs.com website.