I’ve always hated fish. Since I was a little girl, it was the one thing I really didn’t like to eat. My mom would serve it, but it remained on my plate. This wasn’t much of a problem until God called us to a people group that ate fish several times a day! Little fish, big fish, pickled fish, curried fish…fish, fish, fish! Arghh! What was I going to do? I knew God had called me to love this unreached group. Would they feel I loved them if I hated their favorite food? Loving people cross-culturally means learning to love the things they love.

I needed God’s help. I prayed, “God, you have to change my taste buds! Give me a love for fish. I am willing, but you have to do this.  I can’t make myself like it.” I did my part and God did His. Within a few weeks, to my amazement, when I ate fish with my new friends it tasted okay. A few weeks later, I surprised myself by asking for a second helping when served fish curry. It tasted delicious!

People Listen To Those Who Love Them

Some cultural adjustments are easier to make than others. For me, fish was hard. I needed a miracle. Other times, it’s a more simple choice to enter into the culture where we serve. We choose to do uncomfortable things to enter their world and context. Jesus did this for us when He came to earth as a human. He ate our food, wore our clothes, suffered the same difficulties we do, and showed us a God of love. Evangelism starts with love.

People are 100 times more likely to listen to your message if they feel like you love them.

People are 100 times more likely to listen to your message if they feel like you love them. Think about it. Do you listen more to the people you know like you? Don’t you tend to discard the input of those you know who don’t enjoy being around you very much?

When we enter a culture intentionally, people interpret that as love. As we love the things they love, they open their hearts to us. It is much easier to influence people who know you love them than those who feel you are there to change them.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Matt 22:37-39

In practice, how do we love our neighbors from other cultures?

5 Ways to Love Your New Culture

There are so many ways to show love. Just make sure that you are speaking their “love language” rather than your own!

1) Learn an instrument

You might be saying, “I’m not musical! I can’t even play an instrument from my own culture.” It’s the heart that counts, more than becoming an expert. Many cultures have simple instruments as well as more difficult ones. Find someone who knows how to play and ask them to give you some lessons. You don’t need to spend a lot of money. Start with a simple flute or drum.

It can be a form of cultural imperialism when we import our own music. We bring in guitars, electric pianos, and Western instruments. It says to them, “My music is superior to yours.” Valuing the cultural music of their land is the same as valuing them.

You may eventually end up using a combination of Western and local instruments in worship. But an interest in their instruments speaks of your love for their culture and ways. You’d be surprised how many bridges this builds into homes and hearts!

2) Learn how to make local food

While it might be easier for me to bake brownies and give them to my Thai neighbor, that isn’t her love language. But if I make a traditional Thai dessert of bananas in coconut milk and give her that, she will feel much more loved!

Many local foods are not that hard to make. But don’t learn from a cookbook or recipe online! You build wonderful relationships with people as you ask them to teach you. It’s fun too! Even if you aren’t a good cook, people get excited that you like their food enough to want to make it yourself.

3) Learn their language

Again, the emphasis here isn’t on becoming an expert. It is wonderful if you can reach a stage of amazing fluency and have a perfect accent. It takes a lot of hard work and years of effort to get there though. Be patient with yourself if language learning is hard, but get started. Even being able to say a few words of greeting opens hearts.

There are many different ways to go about learning a language. Each person needs to choose the approach that works for them in their particular context. You may learn with a total immersion approach, or you may work at it a bite at a time. The important thing is to get started and be consistent in your efforts. Download my free resource at the end of this blog. Choose the language learning approach that is best for you!

You need the local language to communicate the gospel and make disciples. You also need it to communicate love!

4) Learn to dance, exercise or play

Find out how the people in your new culture play. What do they do for fun? Where do they relax? How do they celebrate?

Join them in these things. Take part in a local football (soccer) club. Learn their easiest cultural dance. Walk in the early morning when they do. Hunt and fish with them (using their methods and tools). When we show up in the community and play in local ways with local people, they feel you have become a part of them. The likelihood that they will listen to your message increases exponentially.

Here’s an example of an easy Thai dance I learned a few years ago! And I’m not a dancer! If I can do it, you surely can too!

5) Attend local festivals.

Many missionaries are afraid to take part in local festivals. This is due to the religious nature of these events. Don’t be afraid, be curious. Be a learner. Go along with your friends and ask questions. Observe. Try to understand what the festivals mean to them. Sometimes what you read in a book or online is different from the common meaning. If you read about Easter and its definition, you’d get one understanding.  Join an American family observing that holiday, and your insights would be different.

If there are things you don’t feel comfortable doing, politely decline. Say, “I’m still learning and understanding. I’ll just watch this time.” They won’t be offended and will feel happy about your interest in them and their lives. You can participate with the community, without joining in the worship parts of most events.

Show Your Love This Week

Take a step forward toward loving people cross-culturally this week. Do one new thing to show love to those around you by loving what they love. What is that one step you will take? I’d love to hear about it in the comments or on the Missionary Life Facebook group. Post a picture there. Show us how you are loving people cross-culturally in your situation.  Your step forward will inspire others!