Living faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the mission field
“What are you waiting for?” The phrase conjures up negative thoughts. In my mind’s eye, I see angry, hurried people, pushing, and prodding. Hurry up! Get a move on! Delays can be miserable. Waiting isn’t all bad though. There is both joy and pain in …
Imagine with me. Party invitations were handed out in the room. You waited breathless and anticipating. Your card must be at the bottom of the pile they clasped in capable hands. Until the final card was distributed, there was still a glimmer of hope. Would …
“Suck it up!” My basketball coach used to tell me that when I was acting tired during our practice drills. “No pain, no gain!” In many ways, we are taught to ignore pain and push through it. I’m not saying there isn’t a place for deep determination and perseverance on the mission field! There is! But that differs from suppressing our emotions and acting like we don’t feel the pain. Missionary depression is real and common.
I want to introduce you to an extremely helpful tool. This simple exercise has done wonders for my emotional health on the mission field. Suppressed emotions will make you sick- physically and emotionally. If you are sick, you have little ability to help others around you. Don’t “suck it up” and try to be tough, pretending you are okay when you are not. Be real and get those emotions out.
Doing an “Emotional Jug” to Jesus, with your spouse, or close friend can make a world of difference!
When I say that emotional suppression can make you depressed, I mean it. I wish I could say that I had read that on the internet or in some counseling book and that was how I learned about this. But, no, that wouldn’t be true. I learned it the hard way, through personal experience with missionary depression.
Some years ago, I went through what might be called a “perfect storm.” Situation after situation led to emotional depletion. One crisis was followed by another crisis, in our work and ministry. A series of disappointments, discouragements, and betrayals took a tremendous amount of energy.
Then, a visiting pastor from our home church became deathly sick. We worked day and night to arrange for her medical evacuation.
This took a lot out of me, but I felt I had to “soldier on.” People were depending on me. I was a leader. After resting a day or two I carried on doing my work. I had no idea that a serious case of missionary depression was threatening.
I started to notice that I didn’t seem to have any feelings anymore. There was more of a sense of dullness inside. Depression was beginning to take hold of me, though I didn’t recognize it. When my depression became serious, I sought treatment and professional help. Over several months, I had to work hard to get in touch with what I was feeling inside. I had shut those emotions off to be able to cope.
Part of what helped me heal, was learning the tool I want to introduce here. It’s called an Emotional Jug. I wish I had known before how to use this simple tool. It would have saved my family and me a lot of pain. The long-term consequences of full-blown depression are significant. It took many years on medication to fully recover.
A major cause of missionary depression is that we don’t know how to properly deal with our emotions. We must learn how to acknowledge them to ourselves, to God, and to those we are closest to.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” Proverbs 13:12
When we face grief, disappointment, betrayal, and loss, we must make space in our lives to “feel.” Otherwise, we are at risk.
This simple tool isn’t complicated, but it makes an important difference. It is called an “Emotional Jug.” My therapist heard about this from an organization called P.A.I.R.s.
Often I write the answers to these questions out in my journal. I express these things to Jesus. But sometimes I do it with my husband as well. Both are helpful. If you are doing it with your spouse or a friend, this is what you do.
Friend asks: What are you mad about?
You respond: I am mad because….
Friend asks: What else are you mad about?
You respond: I am also mad about this…
Continue to say anything that comes to your mind. Even if you might be only slightly angry or irritated about it.
The other person doesn’t reply or try to fix you or explain anything. They simply listen and continue to ask you the same question until there is nothing else you can think of.
The friend then asks: What are you sad about?
You respond: I feel sad because….
Again, you continue with as many things as you can think of. The other person just keeps asking and listening.
You do the same with the questions;
At the end, the friend or spouse thanks the person speaking for being willing to share what is going on inside of them. If need be, at that point you can switch roles. Now you can ask your friend the same 4 questions. You be the listener.
When finished, pray together asking God for wisdom and strength. Request His help as you process these difficult feelings you’ve shared.
Simple right? It really is! Mad, sad, scared and glad. These 4 primary emotions tell us a lot about what is going on inside!
Don’t be surprised if when you first start doing this with someone or in your journal, it takes awhile. Many times we have become numb to what we are feeling. But if you give it a little time and are patient, some minor things will come to your mind. Then, slowly, the deeper feelings will surface.
Why not try doing this exercise with someone today? It only takes about 20 minutes and can seriously help!
You might not be depressed or anxious. That is great! Then you will have a lot of things to say you are glad about. But you might be surprised at what comes out as well.
Missionary depression is much more common than you would think. We face a lot of difficult disappointments, traumas, and losses on the mission field. You don’t need to become unhealthy. There are skills and tools you can learn like this one. They help us live fulfilling and wonderful lives on the field despite intense challenges.
I did an emotional jug today! It helped! Why don’t you do one too? Let me know in the comments how it went and if doing this helped or not.
For more information about how to do an Emotional Jug, and for other helpful resources see the Pairs.com website.
Every year I ask the Lord a question. “What one thing do you want me to do this year?” I like to get my priorities crystal clear. When I know what God has said to do, I have my marching orders. I know my one …
Have you ever lost your temper? Gotten upset with fellow team members? Differences in personality, culture, and spiritual gifting can drive us apart. Or, these differences can make us strong and effective as a missionary team. My husband and I are extreme opposites in many …
Ever talk to yourself? Every once in a while, I accidentally find myself exclaiming something out loud. I suddenly notice what I meant to say silently in my mind has slipped out my lips. “Come on Anderson, do it right!” is one. Or I utter something alone in my car, annoyed with the vehicle in front of me, “Turn on your blinker will you?!!” Honest confession. Sadly, these proclamations are often not nice toward myself or others. Declarations are powerful and have a great spiritual impact.
Matthew 12:34 says, “The mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” It’s not a great sign when I say things like what was mentioned above. Yet it’s a sign I need to take note of and do something about.
Instead of these negative statements, we can declare truths about things our soul needs to hear.
Lately, I’ve been practicing various rhythms for health and marriage. Habits and spiritual rhythms help us move forward even when we don’t necessarily feel like it. They reduce the need for willpower, something that is limited in supply. They do this by becoming patterns of our lives rather than things we choose to do daily.
One I’ve particularly enjoyed has been making four daily declarations during my time alone with God in the mornings. I heard about these from Archie Coates of HTB though I’m not sure if they are original with him.
In one way they are prayers. But in another way, I’m talking more to myself than to God. There are times when we need to speak truth to our souls through a declaration like this.
Romans 10:17 says that faith comes by hearing the Word of God. Sometimes we need to hear these things spoken to our souls to build up our faith. This is why rather than just reading them, I’ve experienced real power in saying them out loud. It builds my faith in the reality and truth of these truths.
Our souls are fickle. It’s easy for us to become discouraged or to begin to believe the opposite of these things. Realign yourself by saying them out loud. Even if you don’t immediately believe them to be true, as you repeat this daily, they will sink in.
Whether we like to admit it or not, we live in a spiritual world and we are not the only spiritual beings that inhabit it! Ephesians 6:12 tells us that we are in a spiritual battle, not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities and powers, the enemy of our souls.
When we speak aloud, not only do we hear those things but so do the demonic forces in our spiritual environment. We declare things that are from God’s word. This changes the spiritual climate. Demons have to flee.
Jesus used this amid His temptations in the wilderness (John 4).
You may not be experiencing such overt demonic forces as He did in that passage. But there is an enemy of our souls who wants us to believe lies rather than the truth. This brings me to my last point.
John 8:44 speaks of Satan as the father of lies. He is a deceiver by nature. It is one of his greatest strengths and we must be on guard against believing his many lies.
How do we deal with the enemy’s lies? First, we must discern and recognize them. Then, we speak truth to them, especially truth that is based on Scripture.
When I feel weak and the enemy’s lies in my mind tell me “You are worthless, too weak for the things you are trying to do,” I may say out loud – “No I am not. God’s Word says that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!”
I have to say that to myself so often, I had it painted on my wall!
What declaration of truth is most needed in your life today? It may or may not be the four I’ve listed here. Maybe there’s another deception of the enemy you need to combat with truth.
Make a plan though and determine to say that particular thing out loud for a week. Then see how it’s affecting you. You can then switch to something else or continue.
What will you be declaring to your soul? I’d love to hear about it in the comments or on the Missionary Life Facebook page.
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This past weekend I went away for a quarterly retreat. This spiritual practice I’ve done for years keeps me grounded and abiding in Jesus. On this recent retreat, I read Rich Villodas’ new book The Narrow Path: How the Subversive Way of Jesus Satisfies Our Souls.
The book focuses on Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. It offers insights and asks questions about what is perhaps the Lord’s most well-known and important message spoken to a crowd.
Villodas shares his personal experience and effort to apply this timeless sermon to his life.
I came away inspired and with some key new practices I will be working into the rhythms of my life in the coming month or two. It’s great to be a reader, but a reader who applies and puts things into action, now that’s what leaders who want to grow do! My hope is that I am that kind of student of both God’s Word and good books like this.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book, things I need to chew on and think about a bit more.
Am I God-attentive? The pure in heart will see Him.
Do I call out the best in people? Do I see good in them before they see it in themselves? How can I do this more?
Does my life display his character or my own? Do they regularly see His goodness? His kindness? His compassion? His mercy? When they experience and encounter me? Probably not. Maybe sometimes, but not nearly as often as I want it to.
This isn’t new information for me, but I need to keep asking myself the question; Where might I be deceived into thinking that I know something and that’s enough, even if I don’t do it? Where do I exalt myself or pride myself on being knowledgeable about something like disciple-making or theology? Knowledge is not the goal of the Christian life, knowing Christ and transformation into His image is.
I’d like to add to Villodas’ definition. It’s not just the people I have a hard time loving, but also those I find it hard to think well of. Those are the people Jesus said I am to love and pray for. I’ve got some homework to do here!
On pages 164-165 of the book, he shared a prayer that a Benedictine monk had shared with their church. It is a prayer for your enemies.
I have set myself the task of praying this prayer each day this coming week for someone I find difficult to love and think well of. Yes, there are a few people who come to mind! 🙂 Maybe you’d like to join me in this?
So many of us call ourselves leaders or spiritually mature people, but we don’t look like Jesus in relation to how we love those we don’t like, disagree with, or who have offended or hurt us. I know there’s room for some growth in me as I consider this! My spiritual maturity meter on this one isn’t super high. Yours?
There is great value in Christian meditation as a discipline and practice. I’m challenged by this book afresh. Over the next few months, I’d like to slowly read the sermon on the mount daily, to journal on it, and continue to allow it to speak to me.
Feeling encouraged and challenged by these quotes? I made some flashcards of these and other quotes from the book. I’ll be returning to them, praying about them, and letting them create a space within me for God’s transforming work. We can’t change ourselves, but reading and meditating on Scripture and good books like this are part of creating room for God to work in us.
Thanks, Rich, for taking the time to challenge and inspire me (and many others) in this book.
Which of the quotes and questions above spoke to your heart?
“Ughh. Not again! Another day of language learning. Why not quit? I can already understand and speak more than a lot of people.” These, and other negative thoughts cross my mind as I stare at my language books. Language learning is hard work. You need …