Living faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the mission field
The Lord’s Prayer is a wonderful model. We use it to teach new disciples how to pray. There are other prayers our Lord prayed that can be instructive to us as missionaries as well. In this article, we will spend time looking at the prayer …
Scripture sometimes frustrates me. I get annoyed when the realities of scripture don’t seem to match my life. Ever happen to you? Like the verse found in Isaiah 40:31, “they will run and not grow weary…” Hmmm. I get tired, really tired, sometimes. Perhaps you …
It’s a bit of a cliché, but it’s true. Wounded people wound others. When someone lashes out at you in an extreme way, it is likely more their issue than yours. We need the wisdom to know how to love emotionally unhealthy people. I wish I could say that everyone on the mission field is healthy and will always behave in a mature and godly manner. It’s just not true.
The reality is, most of us struggle at times with unhealthy responses and over-reactions. We get triggered by things that are said or done. Something deep inside of us responds…the wounded child, not the mature adult. This happens to our teammates too.
At times you will have to interact with people who are severely broken inside. They may be suffering from a mental illness like depression, borderline personality, or narcissism.
Diagnosed or not, we work with them. They are part of our missionary families and teams. We find ourselves in situations where we are not in a place to require them to get help. How do we interact in love, but stay healthy ourselves?
God wants us to develop a compassionate view toward those who are suffering. We must recognize their outbursts and over-reactions as a cry for help. These are symptoms of deeper problems. We must learn not to take them personally. This isn’t easy. It’s not easy at all.
For many years I was ignorant about what it was like to suffer in an area of mental health. When I unexpectedly began to struggle with severe depression and saw a counselor, a new world opened to me. I began to learn. With treatment and medication, I was able to recover. As I have shared my story with others, I’ve realized I was not alone. Many people suffer from depression.
Since then, I have talked with missionaries who shared their mental health struggles. Some shared they were bi-polar. Others have been treated for numerous other mental health issues. These are good people. They are great missionaries whom I deeply respect. Mental illness is not their fault. It is deserving of compassion, not scorn or judgment.
Undiagnosed and untreated mental health problems cause huge marriage and team issues in the field. The stigma of mental illness is still very significant. (Stigma is “a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person”).
Many are terrified to admit they are struggling and seek help. They need our compassion and sensitivity, not anger or disdain. It is a very tough road to walk as we navigate around their unhealthy reactions. It is even harder for them to cope with their deep inner pain.
Compassion is defined as- the sympathetic concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as in Christ, God forgave you.”
Eph. 4:32
Will you choose compassion over judgment when interacting with an unhealthy person?
Below are five things to consider, as you seek, with God’s help, to love the unhealthy people in your life. Determine to love them well.
Unhealthy people will want you to immediately respond. Their problems and the constant crisis created around them can suck the very life out of you. Don’t allow that. It’s okay to say “I’m not able to listen to you when you talk that way to me. Let’s talk later.” You can politely walk away. Don’t let them control or manipulate you into immediately dropping what matters to you, and doing things their way. This doesn’t actually help them.
When you set healthy boundaries, they will behave better as they interact with you. The book Boundaries, by Cloud and Townsend, can help you further. It gives great guidelines related to this.
Continue to love your friends, colleagues, or family members who struggle with brokenness in their lives. They will try to control you or push you away. Don’t let them. Choose to love emotionally unhealthy people unconditionally. That doesn’t mean you have to like the way they behave. Love is a decision you make. Commit to love them no matter what they do. Choose not to take offense, or hold on to unforgiveness related to their interactions with you.
One of the most helpful things you can do for those in your life who are unhealthy is to stay healthy yourself. That means taking sabbaths, resting well, and doing things to refresh yourself in God. Prioritize your own emotional health and well-being. By doing this, you will have the stamina and space needed to love them when they respond out of brokenness.
I have to tell myself this. It seems counter-intuitive. We are conditioned to give more than what we have…to give sacrificially to others. This is a good thing for many. It is not a good thing when relating to an unhealthy person. When you give to them sacrificially, they will often demand even more.
Ask yourself, “Do I have the ability to give to this person right now?” They may want you to listen to them complain, or tell a long story of how violated they feel. Or they may say manipulative things like, “No one here loves me. I wish someone would spend time with me.” Look inward. If you have extra energy and time, give it. Don’t tap into your reserves to give beyond what you are able. It will not help them in the end, and it will harm your ability to love the other healthy people in your life well.
Stability is deeply reassuring to those who are working through brokenness. Knowing that you will always respond with gentle, firm, compassionate boundaries, communicates safety. They can trust and count on you. Others might give up on them, but you will be there, not without boundaries, but with love.
If you believe a friend, family member or colleague is struggling with a mental health issue, prayerfully encourage them to get help.
Let them know you don’t think badly of them for their struggle. Have a crucial conversation and encourage them to think about the long-term effects on their life, family, and ministry. They may not listen to you, but someday later, they may feel less condemned if they seek counsel.
Having a small inner circle of friends walk with you through mental illness is vital. Are you compassionate enough to be one of those people? Do you need that in your own life?
If you have noticed extreme reactions in yourself or others, consider talking to a counselor about it. Help and healing are available. It’s not too late.
Are there other things you’ve found to be helpful when interacting with unhealthy teammates on the mission field? I’d be interested to hear about those in the comments below or on the Missionary Life Facebook group.
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“A vacation? I don’t need that! It’s expensive,” we say. “The needs of the ministry are too pressing.” The same goes for food, exercise, rest…even fun. Missionaries take care of everyone else, but self-care is usually last on our long list of needs. This philosophy does not lend to missionaries who live faithful, fruitful and fulfilled on the field. It poorly reflects the love relationship we have with God. He adores His children and desires to see them live blessed.
I am not in favor of prosperity doctrines. They are not biblical and can be very damaging. As missionaries, we must be ready to embrace both joy and suffering in our lives. Though this is true, we also must be careful about developing a “ministry takes priority over all else” way of thinking.
You are valuable to God. He loves you personally. God is a good Father who cares about your family and life, not only about what you do for Him. It is pleasing to God when a missionary takes care of their body, soul, and spirit. We must invest time and effort in doing this.
Normally, we do pretty well with the spiritual. It’s the soul and body we neglect.
A balanced lifestyle that includes care of our physical body is crucial to living well as missionaries. It is necessary for long-term effectiveness in ministry too.
I arrived at the missionary training center where I was to speak. After settling into my room, they escorted me to the dining area. A special table was set for me and the leader. I was served chicken and a generous portion of vegetables and rice. There was even a bit of salad. It was a nice meal.
A few days into my teaching, I asked if I could sit with the students. As I sat down next to them, I looked at their food. They were eating rice, dahl (lentils) and only a tiny portion of vegetables. There was no salad, fruit, or meat on their plates.
I asked the training school leader about it. “Oh, we can’t afford to give them meat, salad, and fruit! That is much too expensive. They are missionaries in training. We don’t want to spoil them,” he declared.
“Hmmm.” I thought. “What are we teaching them about God’s goodness? What are we teaching them about healthy eating when this is what we offer?”
Reflecting on it further, I came to a conclusion. “If God can provide rice and dahl, He is big enough to also provide a healthy diet that includes vegetables, fruit, and meat.” I challenged the school leader to consider what their meal plan was communicating about the nature and character of God. It is one thing to teach that He is good in the classroom. But does our lifestyle and menu also reflect that?
“If God can provide rice and dahl, He is big enough to also provide a healthy diet that includes vegetables, fruit, and meat.”
Are you taking care of others, but not yourself?
“My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I had to neglect.”
Song of Solomon 1:6 NIV
What you put in your mouth affects how you function and feel. As many missionaries age, we struggle with weight gain. Along with this comes many diseases and health issues. Knees cause problems, heart issues surface and diabetes can become an issue for some.
When we are struggling with our health we are not able to serve God as fully as we would like to.
Whatever age you are, you can begin to eat a healthier diet. Don’t use the excuse of finances or travel to keep from healthy eating.
Believe me, I get it! It’s not easy to eat well when you are busy and travel frequently. Nor is it easy on a limited budget to get enough protein and vitamins. It’s much easier to just eat a high starch diet (potatoes, rice, corn, etc.) Easy is not always best.
Sugar has many negative effects on our bodies. It causes inflammation and many other issues.
Diets help but they rarely bring long-term change. What changes could you make to your diet to improve your health? What could you decide to eliminate? Soft drinks? Chips? Fried foods?
Ask the Lord to show you one step to take to eat healthier this coming week.
Regular physical exercise is an important part of sustained health. As we age and are busier and busier, it often gets shoved aside. Even if you don’t enjoy sports, make a habit of taking a morning or evening walk around the neighborhood. It can even be combined with your prayer time.
I find that exercise with others is often more enjoyable and I can stay accountable. Is there someone in the neighborhood, a friend or a spouse you could begin to exercise with on a regular basis?
Combining strength-building exercises and cardiovascular exercises (running, swimming, walking) is best. Do one thing to exercise each day. You will feel better and stay healthier. Think about the long-term aspects of your health, not only about the needs of today.
Sleep is a wonderful healer of both our emotions and bodies. When we go without sleep it affects our moods and our productivity.
Make it a habit to go to bed at a decent hour and wake up at the same time each day. If you struggle with sleep, consider seeing a doctor or take some herbal medications to help you relax. I often use melatonin (an herbal sleep aid) especially when traveling. Everyone is different, but most people require seven to eight hours of sleep each night.
Rest is very important to overall health. A good quality Sabbath and nightly rest improve your quality of life. They also increase your overall sense of well-being.
It is easy for us to think that we are stronger than most people and don’t really need the above things. “I can make it without sleep,” we think. “I can’t afford good food this week,” or “I don’t have time to sit down and eat a meal today,” are common ways of thinking. These inner conversations don’t lead to fulfilling lives that reflect the Kingdom.
What change will you make this week to take better care of your body and soul? Changes are made one decision at a time. Tell someone about it and ask them to hold you accountable. Or post your decision in the comments below or on the Missionary Life Facebook group.
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When you see a Muslim woman, dressed in her hijab, many Christians feel afraid. They avoid talking to people of other cultures. One of my relatives recently befriended a woman from another faith background. It’s been interesting to watch her reach out. As far as I know, it is her first time trying to share Christ with someone of another religious background. Her love, commitment, and the relationship she has built goes a long way. A few basic principles for communicating the gospel cross-culturally and her message will be even clearer. Her friend will be able to “hear” and understand the truth she longs to share.
In the Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20), Jesus called us to make disciples among all nations. This means that as His followers, we have a responsibility to learn how to share His message with people of other cultures and languages. Then, we must train those who follow, to obey His commands.
The responsibility to make disciples cross-culturally is definitely part of our job as missionaries. We are not the only ones who need to learn to do this. It’s the job of every Christian, at least to some degree!
Sharing Jesus across cultural gaps is easier said than done. To make disciples cross-culturally, you must be willing to grow and learn about other perspectives and worldviews.
We had gone to a city in South Asia that was predominantly Muslim. Our goal was to find people interested in the gospel and learn about the people groups there.
Reaching the city, we stayed in a church. It was extremely hot and humid. When the power went out, we ended up sleeping outside on the flat roof to stay cool.
Not only was it challenging physically. Our goal was not an easy one either. The women in this city all wore the “burkha” when outside. They seemed hesitant to talk with us. “How will we get inside their homes, let alone their hearts?” I wondered.
Eventually, we were able to chat with some ladies who were shopping at a local grocery store. Seeing them in their veils in such heat (it was over 100 degrees Fahrenheit), I didn’t know how they could do it!
When we explained that we wanted to know more about their life and culture, they invited us to their home. Another young woman went with me to visit them.
Upon entering their home, they took us back into the section of the house where the women worked. Off came the veils and coverings. Conversation and laughter flowed freely there. As long as no men were present, we were able to talk, get to know each other and have great conversations.
Asking questions, we listened carefully. “Is it difficult to wear a veil in this heat?” I asked.
“Sometimes,” they said, “but we feel safer in our veils. The burkha protects us from the roaming eyes of men in the market.”
“That is so interesting,” I thought to myself. “What I assumed was a burden for them, gave them a sense of safety.” How wrong some of my assumptions were about their culture and perceptions!
I learned a lot that day about what it might take to reach this people group. Much more learning was needed. By showing interest, and love, we’d been welcomed into a place in their homes and hearts…a place where we could become friends.
From there, it would be much easier to share my story of transformation. I’d also share God’s story in a way they could understand and consider accepting.
In my first article on this topic, I shared the first three principles for sharing Jesus cross-culturally. If you haven’t read part one, please check that out. Below are five more best practices to consider.
In the example of the Muslim women, we had a shared value that was very obvious. We wanted to stay safe as women in a city where men often accosted women or took advantage of them. This was a point of conversation and identification. It was easy to talk about.
Another pain point I discovered, for those women, was the desire to see their children do well in school. They wanted the best for their kids. We were able to talk about study habits and how to help your kids succeed in their education.
These women were concerned about pleasing God. They valued honesty and hard work. These values were something we shared.
Every culture has taboos or things that are considered bad. Find out what those things are and avoid them.
For example, in many Southeast Asian cultures, it is rude to step over someone’s feet or point the bottom of your foot at someone. Being careful to tuck your feet under you when sitting on the floor rather than putting your feet out, can avoid unnecessary offense.
Food is a big factor too. I mentioned this in the first article. For Muslims, eating pork is offensive. For Hindus, it is beef. You may not be able to stop eating these completely, but becoming aware of these things can help you.
Modesty is another common barrier issue. How do people who are well respected in the culture dress? Do women need to cover their legs? Arms? Is it okay to wear a sleeveless top or shorts? Be aware of these things and where you can do what. In Thailand, for example, you can wear shorts in many places, but you should never wear them when going into a temple.
Other barriers have to do with religion. For example, for Muslims, the concept of Jesus as the Son of God is a very difficult one to understand. Eventually, this will need to be explained, but you can avoid that in the beginning. Focus on Jesus as the One sent by God the Creator. Start with their common understanding of Jesus as a prophet. From there, you can slowly introduce them to more about Him.
Your story and sharing how Jesus has changed your life is the most powerful thing you have to share. It crosses cultures.
Do your best to strip away the cultural extras. If it’s not in the Bible, it may be more from your own culture than you think. For example, how important is it that we wear white for weddings. Could we wear red saris instead? This is a cultural issue, not one that has to do with the basics of the gospel.
It takes time to learn about other cultures and religious faiths. While it is important to do your research and be a learner, don’t get stuck only building relationships for years and years. You don’t need to be fearful or think you have to know everything about them before you share the truth of the gospel. Be bold and invite them to study God’s Word with you or take a step toward knowing Jesus as you do.
What one thing could you apply from the five best practices listed above? Why not find someone from another culture and begin to share Christ with them this week? I’d love to know how this article helped you or what questions you have on this topic. Please share them in the comments section or on the Missionary Life Facebook page.
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